(Source: TikTok video)
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Take it from somebody who flies a lot:
Theorycrafting about the best way to load/unload a plane is pointless.
Bring a bottle of water on your plane. Bring some headphones and make sure they are charged. Make sure if halfway through the flight you even feel a little like you need to pee, do it in flight.
When the plane lands keep your headphones popped in, and chill out until you’re off the plane.
The main reason I like a window seat is because it means I don’t have anyone freaking out beside me that I haven’t stood up as soon as the plane stops rolling. I’m just gonna sit here and read thanks.
There’s an effect I see in situations like this where the people in a big hurried rush end up being slow asses because apparently they don’t care about this working efficiently, they just care about when they can stop waiting.
On a plane these are the people who leap out of their seat and block your row, only to start searching for their bag once it’s their turn to get off the plane.
I see the same from drivers at red lights. If there are multiple lanes waiting to go, and one car has to inch forward every 5 seconds even though they are already way past the line, then in my very limited anecdotal experience there’s like a 90% chance when the light turns green they just sit there for a few seconds after I start going.
When I’m dictator, impatience will be abolished and punishable by fine or imprisonment.
You have my vote but only if you promise extra special treatment for the people who stand shoulder to shoulder right up against the baggage claim conveyor at the airport. And the ones who rush into full elevators trying to unload.
The amount of overlap in those two groups will probably save your Patience Police a bunch of time and resources.
Swift execution for those mentioned!!
one car has to inch forward every 5 seconds even though they are already way past the line
In my limited experience these cars are driven by people so absorbed by their phones that they don’t realize they aren’t fully engaging the brakes.
I think automatic transmissions have conditioned people to sit too far from the pedals.
I just bought an old classic and haven’t driven stick in a decade. After I got everything comfy and adjusted how I wanted I realized something: I couldn’t get the clutch all the way down if I tried, I’m too far away. Same for the brakes.
Power brakes have made us feel as though all we need is the braking power of our toes, but what happens when your ABS pump goes out and you have to use actual force to apply the brakes at 65mph? Do you have the leverage to get those brakes as far down as they need to to stop safely?
If we were all still popping clutches at every red light I don’t think this would be an issue. I think we’d have less distracted drivers too, needing to shift manually keeps a driver engaged with the car and road.
I Wasn’t advocating to ban Automatic Transmissions when this comment started, I am now.
I feel this. Both in terms of driver engagement safety and in how much I loathe traditional automatic transmissions. Still stuck owning one in one of the two vehicles I have at the moment but only because it was all I could afford for the second of two vehicles large enough to fit all my kids.
I have had several manual transmission vehicles and the other current one is a PHEV and one of the rare models that is a series hybrid so it drives like a true EV.
Do you have the leverage to get those brakes as far down as they need to to stop safely?
Hi there friend, would you kindly get the heck out of my nightmares?
Responding to the rest of your comment: I love driving a manual transmission. My first three cars were manuals, and we have two automatics right now, but my next car in a year or so will probably be something fun and agile with a manual. Or EV of course, depending on what’s available for the price at the time.
Hi there friend, would you kindly get the heck out of my nightmares?
I’ve had brakelines fail, you press the brake, and it just stays down.
You just reminded me of the fact that I drove a car with a leaking brake caliper to the dealer for a warranty repair like 20 years ago. Lots of engine braking and gently using the hand brake in non-emergency slowing down, just in case using my brakes like normal would lose me too much brake fluid.
I can’t believe I did that shit. I was careful and took the slow streets and didn’t have any close calls but damn.
The pool of vehicles that still have MT is getting smaller and smaller each year, at least in north America.
It’s the only community experience we have. Don’t make it about you. Let us queue together and enjoy it.
I just want to point out that you shouldn’t forget those behind you. As soon as you can fan out and get out of the way of the people behind you, the faster those people move, and the faster the people behind them reach the door.
A huge part of this problem is that when people get to the bottle neck that’s slowing everyone down and making everyone go single file, people take their time getting through it. That’s exactly when you need to hurry up and get the fuck out of the way.
It only takes a couple of people to waddle slowly off the plane to set everyone else up to wait several minutes before they can reach the front. And the problem is compounding.
So, what I’m saying here is, stay the fuck out of the way when you’re not engaging in the activity of walking off the plane. If you’re packing shit up, pulling out your luggage, putting on a sweater or backpack, stand in an isle and let everyone past while you fumble around. When you get off the plane don’t stop and stretch and stare at the lights or whatever, move to the side or keep moving at a brisk pace away from the door until you get into a clearing where people can easily move around you.
None of this will make deplaneing fast, but the focus is on not making any slower than it has to be.
I want the safety announcement at the start of the flight to say:
“You are in a flying metal coffin. Now imagine this coffin filling with smoke and fire. This plane only passes safety regulations because we simulated unboarding it with everyone behaving perfectly, leaving all of their crap behind. In an emergency, you MUST leave your stuff behind. Your life depends on it. The lives of everyone around you depend on it. If you see someone trying to take stuff with them, you MUST use whatever level of force is necessary to stop them. Even lethal force is justified. You must be prepared to tear someone to pieces if they don’t leave their stuff behind. The lives of you and your family depend on the asshole in front of you letting their laptop burn.”
That’s the kind of boarding announcement I want to hear!
To all the people telling OP they’re wrong, you don’t fly enough. The issue isn’t evenly distributed. It’s not like cars in traffic or whatever.
Airlines put the expensive seats in the front. The people who can afford them are usually much older, either traveling retirees or very late career white collar workers who have significant status. They’re the first ones holding up everyone because they take forever to find all the assorted shit (personal item, oversized roller bag, neck pillow, laptop, ipad, lost earbud, etc) they’ve stuck all over the place, which the gate agent/FAs wouldn’t admonish them for because of their aforementioned status. But they’re first class, so the peasants behind them can wait in the bread line.
After they get off (on watching you glare), depending on airline, it’s the fraction of people who are old and not rich, or don’t fly often and aren’t used to all the ritual. They’ll have placed their bag in an overhead that’s 12 rows behind them and demand everyone stop and crowd surf it up or else they’ll just sit there blocking the line.
After them come the young vacation families, you know, the ones who had the screaming baby for the last 6 hours. They couldn’t be bothered to pay for seat selection to save money so one parent is with one kid three rows ahead but needs to coral the kids behind them because the other parent was playing on a Nintendo switch for the whole flight and didn’t try to organize all the kids toys, now lost to entropy, and so the marital spat and bawling (louder now) children begin.
Then there’s you. You fly a lot so you have nothing more than two pairs of underwear and a toothbrush, all safely hidden from the TSA in your prison wallet and ready to go without so much as a nanosecond of notice, along with your phone and airpods to combat the screaming child in front of you. You got 31B, way in the back, after trying to game united’s seat assignment system by checking in only after all but the exit row seats were taken, but someone missed their flight and here you are.
Generally the legacy airlines will have the most old people, but the vast majority of people on them are very used to flying, because they know better than to book a budget airline. It’ll be slow yet ordered.
The budget airlines like united and frontier will be the opposite, lots of young spry 20 somethings, but lots of vacation families that couldn’t afford Delta… I won’t sugar coat it, it’s gonna be a shit storm. The FAs have been contractually required to keep everyone at the very edge of their sanity through the enforcement of a variety of draconian company policies (like turning on all the lights half way through a redeye to scream about some credit card offer), so things are primed for chaos. Lots of shoving and yelling. Everyone’s reviewing the Wikipedia “list of crimes of passion” to see if this qualifies.
Then there’s spirit. Half the people on the flight will be coming down off of something they got on the dark web by the time you arrive at the gate. You’ve already seen at least a liter of blood spilled from various fist fights. Everyone was already up and crushing each other in the aisle long before the captain even briefed the approach. The FAs have locked themselves in the lavs by now and the captain (an FFDO) has barricaded the flight deck with charts and duct tape and is aiming his questionably modded P320 at he door. Welcome to the new season of Hunger Games - Spam Can. You’re on your own, good luck and good hunting.
that was beautiful
you should write a book
Where’s Chapter 2? 🤓
May the odds ever be in your favour!
I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
I just don’t (entirely) agree about vacation families. Just like the airlines made their bad with paid checked luggage causing more cabin luggage, they did the same with paid seating. Most families wouldn’t care where they sit - so long as they’re together.
I male sure we always sit together, but for some, additional 200-500 USD/EUR for the whole trip is significant and may account for a good portion of the holiday budget.
Now one may say that then they shouldn’t fly, but why? Again - airlines made this problem.
One other thing is that the people should allow other people who are already ready to walk out pass them before standing and taking out their carry-on. Most times I’ve seen all passanger wait for each row taking out their carry-ons sequentially instead of 10 taking them out at the same time. If everyone would be me with a carry-on it’d take around 5-10m since I only take the aisle when I’m ready to leave and/or there is another person taking out their carry-on in front or behind me.
So the correct way to do it is for people like you to skip the line? People who get up and move forward make me want to go postal. They exude “fuck everyone” energy and they think the fact that I stayed seated a few extra seconds is their invitation to skip line. Fuck that.
It’s not skipping the line, it’s waiting longer until there’s a time where you don’t hold it up and allow others to pass.
I am so confused by this thread and this comment might take the cake. It just feels like we’re all speaking different languages and none of them have anything to do with the original post. People are slow was the point. But the whole thread is people changing the subject in ways that make me say “… what ?”. Did I accidentally ingest hard drugs this morning or what?
What fucking line? What are you queueing for? Is there a Bruno Mars concert at the other end of the jetway or something?
If I’m ready to get off the plane and there’s room for me to leave me seat, I’m getting off the plane. I’m not waiting to consult with you to make sure it’s “my turn” to enter the fucking airport.
So you’re one of the selfish dickheads. Cool.
The selfish dickheads are the ones who get their panties in a wad when people get off the plane before them
You undoubtedly also skip lines at counters because you’re special
Waiting in line to purchase something is entirely different from exiting a plane and I’m disappointed that I have to point that out to you.
this is accurate except for the bit about United - who the fuck flies United? don’t people know that they break guitars?
Obligatory X… I mean CGP Grey
In totally unrelated matter, I now really despise ppl who put their personal item on the overhead bin and then take like 1 min to take them off even though it could fit under their seat
They really need to load back to front, then unload front to back, if it was organized it would go so much better. Like announce when each group can stand and get bags and when each can leave.
But how can they sell priority boarding then? Just think for one minute about the poor airline companies! /s
Airlines: “Wait, but I thought if you unload front to back you get a UTI”
deleted by creator
I have kids now so some of this applies less but!
I totally agree with you. I don’t usually have a checked bag when it’s just me, so there’s no waiting around the baggage claim to look forward to. I DO NOT stop to pull my overhead bag. I’ve either got it under my seat, already pulled it from the overhead, or I fuckin eyeball that thing like there’s about to be a missile intercept (because there is) and I grab and pull while I walk. Once I leave my seat there is no pause. In the same way, if I’m inside on the window, I’m watching for space and when middle seat moves I follow. None of this “oh shit I forgot the light turned green”.
Even now with kids we are only slightly slower than that. I have to let the gremlins (who you probably didn’t know were on the plane because they’ve been hyper entertained out of their fuckin minds) be line leader to walk off the plane and I need enough time to stand up and get the bags off the seat behind me onto my body to urban pack mule that shit out of here.
What I’m NOT doing is texting my boyfriend oblivious to the cues being presented to me, smashing through the line because I’m an inconsiderate fuckwit, or standing up when it’s my turn and gazing into the overheads like I’m lost in the Arby’s menu. Stage your shit and get the fuck off the plane without stopping, then walk like you got some place to be or move to the side. No big deal.
More importantly than any of that though, I’ve got this really weird superpower where I can listen to what the fuck the FAs say. If someone needs to get off the plane first, I can stay seated and wait for them to haul ass off the plane. Or at least I would, except it’s always like a herd of cattle with no awareness instantly reacting to the sound of the seatbelt light turning off no matter what.
^^ This is my take. Behave like an adult.
99% of the time, I don’t have anywhere to be in a hurry, so I let others (who may or may not need to) go first.
I often travel with kids at this time in my life, but we just chill in our row until things get calm. Then we can grab stuff from overhead if needed, even if it’s behind us.
On the occasions where I’ve needed to rush to make a connecting flight, I just say it out loud and get some buy-in from those around me, or it’s already obvious and the whole cabin is probably aware. In those cases, getting non-pressured people to give you priority tends to work if you just ask.
I can imagine a class of passenger who is super dependent on timing – but those people have already failed. PSA: When traveling, assume that you will not depart or arrive at the exact time on your ticket. Give yourself an hour or two to absorb delays and then you can just be chill.
If they managed where luggage was stored in the overhead, they could reduce it 10 fold. The whole wait is because people need to go back x rows past people standing to get their luggage. Even if they made everyone sit and deboard in zones it could be way faster.
The luggage problem has only got worse and worse over the past decade, and by the airlines’ own making. Carriers all started trying to make extra cash by charging for checked luggage, which incentivises people to take carry-on only, up to the maximum size and quantity of carry-on they are permitted.
If bags could be checked for free and people took only an under-seat carry-on for the things they need in flight it wouldn’t be a problem, but we know that’s never going to happen.
If bags could be checked for free
I’m skeptical. I fly quite often and it is normal for gate agents to openly beg people to gate check their bags (for free) and be faced by a crowd of dead eyed travelers unwilling to part with their max size carry on roller luggage.
I wouldn’t discount passengers irrationally hanging onto their luggage for some sense of control.
The problem is underallocated overhead space. You give us maximum dimensions, and you know the number of seats. Fucking have sufficient overhead space.
The amount of space is the amount of space. You can’t create more, because it’s literally constrained by the roof of the plane. It’s already maxed out.
The only thing they could do to make sure there was “enough space” is to have less tightly packrd seats and carry less people, which again they aren’t going to do for the obvious reason - profit.
Or - reduce the max carry on baggage dimensions, which I’m sure people would equally complain about. And would make them look worse against other airlines which “allow” bigger bags, despite there not being enough space to put them!
Agreed it’s a combo of higher seat density and way more checked bags.
I swear in the 90s getting off a plane felt way quicker.
It’s this. Stay the fuck down until your row is clearing.
There is a faster method of deplaning. Inside-out is faster. All the aisle seats get their stuff and get off. Then middle, then window
Unfortunately it was never implemented because it makes it difficult to charge extra for higher class zones. It’s also very difficult to get people to actually do it
Ah yes, the most human deboarding method. Children deboarding on their own. Families separated.
Hundreds of people trying to reunite at the gate all simultaneously.
That won’t cause any downstream issues.
It would also split up people who are travelling together, so there’s no way it’s happening.
I think they should only let you put it in the overhead if it’s over your seat. It’s full? Tough shit. Check it.
That would slow down boarding exponentially. It just takes one or two assholes to need to have flight attendants stationed throughout the entire cabin making sure people use their bins.
Rule of thumb: if you are anything past the first peasant boarding group, look ahead. If things look crowded? Find the first mostly empty bin and just put your bag up there so that you can grab it on your way out. Otherwise you are gambling that there will be an opening closer to where you actually sit which inevitably is five rows behind you.
And that (and lounge access and not needing to manage miles for status) is why I ended up just getting the fancy credit card for my airline group of choice. Priority boarding means it doesn’t matter where I sit: I have “my” bin.
Most off that time is standing still, while the L1 door is still closed, and the jetway has not even begun to move to connect to the aircraft.
People don’t realise that once the plane is parked, engines are shut down and belt signs go off, there’s still shit to do before deplaning can begin.
When I travel solo, it’s with one shoulder bag I usually just shove under my seat, don’t even need the overhead. I’m instantly ready, but everyone is in my waaaay.
I’ve noticed more and more people taking sooo much stuff with them on board too. Like they think they are pioneers and need a covered wagons worth of provisions to weather the trip from ATL to LAX.
I suppose some of that can be blamed on the airlines for steep baggage fees but holy crap do people try and take way too much junk with them everywhere they go. So they all take 10 min to unpack.
It’s the fucking trolley warriors…they take as much stuff as possible inside the cabin, to avoid checking baggage.
Of course the time they save at the baggage belt, they waste for themselves and everybody else when disembarking the plane.Blame the airlines for that. Some are still allowing free carry on, but charging $75 for a checked bag. This is entirely a problem created from airline greed.
And then they run out of overhead room, so they check your bag for free anyway.
So they miss out on the revenue, slow things down, and add logistical complexity to a process that is already notorious for losing track of critical items.
The other consideration it has is on net luggage weight. Yeah, they’re still checking bags for “free” but they’re smaller and lighter - saving fuel by increasing efficiency. And that’s also a good thing from a pollution point!
They only run out of overhead room because dickbags put a carry-on and their personal item in the bin. Your personal item goes under the seat.
Vote with your wallet (wherever possible)
Vote with your wallet (wherever possible)
The last large airline to NOT charge for checked bags in the USA, Southwest airlines, has switched to charging for bags.
Oddly the ones that have the best outcome for the deplaning scenario from this bad situation of paid checked bags are the ones that also charge for carry ons like Spirit or Frontier in the USA. So there is an incentive to NOT bring a carry on because you’ll be charged for it and instead just pay to check a bag (which has more capacity).
When did that change occur? I took a flight in July with SW and first bag was still free.
But it’s not just saving time, I want my stuff to make it to my destination too, and too often it doesn’t if you check it.
Or like that one time where I put my shampoo and conditioner in baggies so they wouldn’t spill over my luggage, and TSA took them out to test the liquid, THEN PUT THE DE-LIDDED CONTAINERS BACK IN THE SUITCASE WITHOUT THE BAG.
Wasted all my shampoo and conditioner, and I had to do laundry in the shower on vacation because there wasn’t a washer available.
Did you ask the hotel? If you are nice they might wash it for free
Nah, I wasn’t staying at a hotel. I had gone to Mexico with my childhood church for evangelism reasons, back when you could cross the border with just your birth certificate. We were staying in a building converted to a bunkhouse that was owned by the church. One room full of bunkbeds for the women, one room for the men, basic kitchenette, one bathroom for each gender, no laundry, couldn’t leave without a chaperone.
It was the worst vacation I’ve ever had.
I’ve travelled for work all my life, I’ve flied idk, hundreds of times, my luggage got lost exactly one time, when I got a connection in Switzerland, they left it on the tarmac. Luckily it was my toolbox, not my personal bag.
Another time my luggage lost me, meaning they loaded it on an earlier flight and then cancelled mine, so my luggage got to destination and I didn’t. That was on a flight from Miami to New York.
Every time I’ve checked my bags I’ve been called a moron because my bags are going to get lost.
And sadly those people are not wrong, I’ve had my luggage lost twice, and they don’t pay you back for that.
I’ve had my luggage lost twice, and they don’t pay you back for that.
Excuse me?
Most likely, they pay something like $5/lb of lost luggage, which is not nearly enough
I was lucky to eventually get the lost bags instead of a useless payment when my bags were lost
Today you are, wait till you are a little older or sustain a life changing injury. Should there be a class on flying etiquette-absolutely. But capitalism has changed the entire experience of what flying is making it a literal hellhole except for a few people in the front of the plane… Damn I couldn’t get a better description of the USA today now if they only let everyone have firearms after say 4 hours into a flight 😂
it’s with one shoulder bag I usually just shove under my seat,
That isn’t an option for those afflicted with long legs.
As long as you aren’t packing that bag to the seams, consider just sliding your feet under the bag.
I tend to be a “1.5 bagger” in that I have a small duffel/backpack in the overhead and my backpack/messenger bag for inflight stuff. And the latter gives me easy access to my steam deck or my kobo but is also more than small enough I can just slide my legs under and get a significant amount of legroom. ALSO has the benefit of making me lean back in my seat which means I don’t care if the person in front of me “reclines”
A buddy of mine is 6’5" and he is just in hell no matter what. Like, anything short of one of the enhanced legroom rows is gonna suck whether he has a bag under the seat or not.
I put it under the seat during takeoff/landing, then move it under my legs the rest of the flight. Frees up space for your feet while providing additional support under your legs.
You have the long stride advantage so it evens out
taps head
I would simply have a comically short torso
Same. But usually I opt to sit at the back. Sometimes I get a seat to myself and if not, one of the rows is reserved for medical and always free, so they let me have that. Then on landing, it’s just a matter of laying back and catching up on my phone as the cattle crams itself into awful positions and just stands there staring at their comfy seats. But if the rear door is open, I’m straight off.
If you can’t be first, you want to be last. This is the golden rule of embarking/disemmbarking an aircraft.
Seeing the crowd of people squeeze off the Airplane like a tube of toothpaste only to all congregate around baggage claim is the same energy as passing aggressively on the street only for you to pull up next to them at the redlight.
I used to fly for work a LOT. At one point it was 2x a week for a year.
I have never once had my bags make it to baggage claim before me, even being the last person off the plane.
You couldn’t get away with just doing a carry on? It would have to be a 2+ week trip for me going through the hell of checking a bag.
I’m guessing the work travel involved merchandise they couldn’t put in a carryon, either due to size or other factors.
of course. bottled water salesman.
Or knives.
Not GP, but I get free checked bags with “priority” (so they show up first) and pretty much only check a bag. Sometimes I just check a small carryon item.
I carry a backpack with my laptop and other electronics on the plane and that’s it.
I’m with you. Shitty ass airlines sometimes will force you to check your bag, and I even recently had them do this when the overhead bins remained half empty. Infuriating!
i used to fly a lot back in the 90s. rarely had to wait for bags, even when taking the cattle car (old swa).
alaska air has a 20 minute guarantee. they’ve beaten me before to the baggage claim, pretty impressive.
Happened to me at STT. I think they ended up on a dedicated baggage flight or something, because they didn’t come off my plane. Thought they’d been lost and started freaking out, turns out they’d been there for a while already and had been set aside. Wish I’d been on the flight without the layover.
Those islands have different rules. Longest I’ve ever waited for bags
Try İstanbul airports - especially Sabiha Gökçen. They are really fast.
This ignores:
- People with only a carry on.
- People with tight connecting flights they need to get to.
Honestly i just want to stand after a long flight. I do not fit well in the seats, my shoulders are significantly wider than the seats. If I end up in a middle seat I have to roll my shoulders in. If I’m in an aisle or window seat I have to lean away from the other person. Not comfy
This only includes the people with a carry-on though.
Just stay seated. You’re going to wait for the luggage anyway.
I’ve flown enough to not check in luggage. Not gonna wait for that bullshit. No one needs more than what can go in the overhead bin. Only ever pack for a week, if you’re gone for longer than that, find somewhere to wash, anything more is a waste of space, time, and money.
But what if I shit myself three times?
Contact your doctor, or a doctor at the place you’re visiting.
I need to fucking stretch my legs.
If you’re smart you did everything in your power not to check a bag, so nope. And no I’m not staying seated. I’m stretching and I’m going to be ready. Such a confusing thread.
You had the entire flight to walk to the pisser and back to your seat for as many times as you wish, but now , exactly at the last and most annoying moment, you absolutely can’t sit down for 5 fucking minutes? The door will open at the same time.
You have no idea what opportunity I had, not that it matters. I want to stretch and I have zero idea why it bothers you or anyone else here declaring it a crime.
I don’t want your arse in my face for the next 10 minutes while they open the door.
Stand up get you shit sit back down ready to stand up and get off.
I fly constantly for work 4 times a month at a minimum 4 hour flights each time
No one would be putting their ass in anyone’s face unless they stepped forward, which I also hate. People standing next to their seat would be a seat’s width from you…
Because it’s a cramped space. People who get up when the plane touches ground are going to be standing in the walkway with their bags and butts pressed against other people for all the time it takes for the plane to taxi in and connect the doors to the terminal or stairs.
They do not get out faster.
Best ones are those who can’t actually get to the aisle so they’re standing with their heads ducked under the overhead compartments.
Being ready to go means faster by definition and also how is anyone in the aisle’s butt pressed against people in middle and window seats? That doesn’t make any sense
Ps. you’re not allowed to stand while taxiing is occurring.
exactly my point
No joke. I hate waiting for people who are inefficient and slow getting off a plane. If everyone just waited a few seconds to stand up, me and my one piece of carry-on could walk straight to the door without delay. I hate this aspect of flying more than almost any other. A late landing making me miss a connecting flight is still the worst, however.
