- cross-posted to:
- news@lemmy.world
- cross-posted to:
- news@lemmy.world
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This is ragebait.
So, what, men should work on themselves instead? Bingo. Perhaps if men weren’t so beholden to ridiculous masculine archetypes and developed a toolkit for processing their emotions, some of this discrepancy would disappear.
[…] You shouldn’t need to rely on women to shoulder the burden of your emotional constipation.
It’s no surprise they don’t show an author for this. This is someone actively trying to piss men off for engagement.
The link to the researcher’s content, which isn’t a study or anything doesn’t seem to suggest women are giving up dating because of this, and certainly doesn’t support that argument above. It explains:
Although men’s loneliness hurts men, their struggles can become a burden for women as well. Ferrara argues that men’s loneliness, a problem thought to be individual, is in fact structural.
“Loneliness tends to negatively impact partners lives too” is fair game for a psychology grad student’s thesis (which is what this appears to be), but it’s not a surprise. But they clearly point out this isn’t an individual problem.
And don’t even get me started on their link to the Pew research.It’s actually a good read, and explores a lot of very real issues about dating and politics, personal risk, and societal influence… but it absolutely doesn’t support any of this article’s bullshit. At all.
This is ragebait. Shame on you, OP. Don’t share ragebait.
“Articles” like this bs always paint the woman as some emotionally superior creature and the men are just a burden on them, but I’ve met far more emotionally draining and tedious women who don’t have their shit together than men. I say this as a gay man who isn’t interested in sleeping with women so I don’t have a horse in the race with respect to that.
Can’t we just accept that we are all human beings and likely are all flawed in some way and that even if you don’t see it, your partner is likely sacrificing and having to put up with your shit just like you have to put up with theirs.
So long as you aren’t hurting each other or cheating, you’re probably trying to convince yourself if you have to write some kind of dumb fanfic conversation like this to make you feel better about your lack of relationship.
Can’t we just accept that we are all human beings and likely are all flawed in some way and that even if you don’t see it, your partner is likely sacrificing and having to put up with your shit just like you have to put up with theirs.
Such a great take. We will all give and take in a relationship, be there and need the other to be there. As soon as one starts feeling like they’re doing all the “put up with”, they need to take a step back, figure out what their needs are, and talk to their partner.
And separately, a lot of people are just not emotionally intelligent. That’s harder to solve unfortunately.
Say wha? Logic?
this is slop
Idgi, in every relationship I’ve been in I was expected to be the emotional support for the woman, but eat my own feelings. Have I had it backwards this whole time? Are you guys getting emotional support while telling them you don’t wanna hear about their problems?
I’ll have to remember that line, “it’s not my job to carry your entire emotional burden.” Next time someone who is supposed to be able to love and trust me needs a shoulder to cry on. Like damn woman, we all have problems, find a therapist! Right? I mean I’m over here dealing with my own shit ffs. I’ll make sure to tell her I’m not here to womankeep, and that I shouldn’t be forced by society to engage in the emotional labor of being there for her.
(Actually I’ll just continue being there for those I love even if they aren’t there for me as I always have, but this is just the most ridiculous concept I couldn’t help but be sarcastic. “Oh boo hoo men want us to be there for them” yeah dummy that’s what love is supposed to be, you’re supposed to be there for your partner just as they are for you.)
If you need to emotionally dump on your partner all the time just to get by, you should consider therapy. And I’m not saying that needing support is a bad thing and i absolutely encourage it. But there is definitely a difference. And if your first instinct when hearing you should consider therapy is to feel personally attacked, you should probably rethink what you know about therapy. Otherwise you are just going to continue to use women as your therapist instead of actually working on long term solutions with a professional. The purpose of therapy is literally to make your life better. There’s this ethos around masculinity where you don’t need anyone’s help and you should be able to solve all your own problems, but that’s just straight up bullshit. The only reason there is a stigma around dudes going to therapy is because of other dudes talking down to each other instead of lifting each other up. And like, 90% of the people you meet in your life will never give two shits about how manly you are and there is no need to cater to the 10% that have a problem with it. And the vast majority of those that have a problem with your masculinity are going to be other dudes.
Edit: Added more details.
What’s the line on “emotionally dumping” though?
I think for a lot of people men needing support at all is thought of as emotionally dumping (and we all need emptional support sometimes).
I do agree with you, I just worry about what is that line, and how is that seen in today’s throwaway society.
I guess I should have specified the difference between “emotionally dumping” and just needing support. I was mostly speaking from experience because I used to be the kind of person that would emotionally dump on the woman I was with. I was too afraid to speak about anything to my guy friends but for some reason thought it was totally okay to share literally everything with the women I was with. I think it came from a pre-conceived notion that women are more emotional and therefore have more experience in dealing with emotions. Took me a long time of being single to realize I was just using it as an excuse to not face my issues. Not only that, but it helped me realize that men and women are way more alike than they are different. And I realised that the difference in emotions between men and women is more of a societal issue, and that women were actually just more emotionally intelligent vs being more emotional.
I went ahead and updated my comment above to add a little bit more about this for those that come after.
I hope I didn’t come off as too harsh, sometimes I’m pessimistic.
Both your comments are really good and truthful.
Therapy may be to make your life better, far too many therapists are there to make money off your suffering
It’s not that I shouldn’t need help. It’s that EVERYONE always NEEDS my help and I know how annoying that is and I don’t want to be another inconvenience.
Has there ever been a generation of men who wanted to open up emotionally to their friends?
Yes, every generation of gay men. Lol
We need more bros being bros
Seriously, I get along better with gay men than straight men, even though I’m too goddamn straight. I get along with lesbians and straight women better than straight men. I feel more comfortable in queer spaces even though I’m not.
(I checked)
Anybody else feel this way?
I mean, most of my friends have overdosed or moved by now, few suicides, and a car crash. Now I’m left with few non-superficial friends, but I was emotionally open with all those dudes. Making new intense emotional connections after the near-trauma-bonding of school? Maybe one in 15 years.
That said, am I supposed to want a woman who, while I can be emotionally open with my true friends, if I try being emotionally open with her she’s “mankeeping” and all of a sudden being there for loved ones is bad? Well, I don’t. I want a woman who is my true, non-superficial friend and therefore can also be emotionally there for me as my friends are/were, RIP, and as she expects me to be for her. Honestly this article is kinda fucked up the more I think about it. Getting real “I told him I wanted a sensitive guy but then he cried and I got the ick” vibes on this one.
Tbh first of all if the woman wants a “real man” with no emotion, lean into it, don’t lie and say you want a sensitive man when you don’t. Secondly if you want some non-emotional, purely sexual relationship? Just fucking tell me that. I can 100% do that, just tell me we’re just fucking, I can do that too and then I know not to waste emotional time on you.
Getting real “I told him I wanted a sensitive guy but then he cried and I got the ick” vibes on this one.
Spot on, I’ve learned the hard way to never trust someone who harangues me about my feelings. If they’re too tactless to make the offer and leave the ball in your court, they can’t be trusted with what you confide in them to begin with. Willingly feeding sensitive information about your feelings is a risky game, it’s important to know whether or not they’re just aping at stock phrases about emotional health beforehand, or actually someone who can be relied upon to give objective support.
Don’t dorget that they often use it against men in disagreements they aren’t “winning”. I’ve seen a few videos of girls saying that is exactly what they will do if you dare open up to them.
Low, low, low. It’s limbo low, right on the ground with the dirt.
It was getting better before the influx of toxic masculinity brought upon us by influencers. I think millennials and the older side of gen z are probably better off then older generations, but the younger crowd is definitely going in the other direction. I saw a video of someone going around a college and asking young students that just voted in their first presidential election why they voted for Trump and pretty much all of them said something along the lines of “bringing manliness back.”
Close friends? Yes. Circle of friends? Only if they want to be roasted relentlessly.
This is hilarious. Not only do these poor victimized women expect her potential partner to be over 6 ft tall, earn a minimum of 100k, pay for all dates, listen to their problems, cook, clean, care for the kids, take out the trash, mow the lawn, repair everything, including the multtiple car crashes they inflict, fold the laundry the right way, and take them on multiple international vacations per year, but they also want us to shut the fuck up and keep our problems to ourselves.
And if we don’t satisfy all those requirements while avoiding doing something ‘ick’, they get to divorce us and take half of everything we worked hard to build while being paid over a thousand dollars per month until our children are 25 - often while those kids only get to see dad a couple of days per month.
Yeah. We clearly need to man up… Oh wait, they’re also bashing MIGTOW, and lamenting that men aren’t approaching them or taking their hints. What’s wrong with men, they cry on TikTok!
Why is that? It couldn’t be the continuous compaints about creeps approaching them in public or the gotchya tiktok videos of innocent men who happen to be near them in public, could it? It couldn’t be the destruction of men’s lives by false accusations broadcast all over the internet, could it? It couldn’t be the clarion rallies of kill all men or I choose the bear could it?
Wow, these men are so over sensitive!
They need to work on themselves - just don’t go your own way! Keep letting the women insult you while begging them to date you. It builds character.
Man, the chutzpah!
Someone took the rage bait, :(
This could be cross posted to !mensliberation@lemmy.ca
Though the article is a bit light on detail
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