I have had the experience that men are very often portrayed in western media as having an insatiable sex drive. Contrary to women in media who seem to make up excuses such as having a migraine to avoid sexual contact. This often creates imbalances in these fictional straight relationships.
Now I’ve had the other problem in the past. I’ve found that I’ve initiated sex quite often but I’ve also often been declined. Having this image in my head that men are the ones who should always be up for sex, this definitely used to affect my self-worth a lot. I thought I was the problem, that I was not attractive enough. Over the years I had struggled with adjusting my expectations.
I’m not sure why I’m posting this but I though it might be nice to see if others had a similar experience
This is a really interesting topic! I think you’ve made an excellent point here. Men are expected to be ever ready for sex, so when they refuse a woman that’s gonna hurt. It really negatively impacts men as well… there must be men having sex before they’re ready, with people they’re not sure of etc.
I think it’s important to remember women still do a disproportionate amount of household chores and childrearing. A tragic amount of women are sexual assault survivors which can make sex difficult. I also wonder how many secretly gay men are married to women and therefore not really enjoying the sex.
Those are definitely fair points. I am sure there have been men who’ve been told to “man up” if they didn’t want to have sex with a woman. As Madzielle said this stereotype (and the patriarchy) hurt men too
If you want to be horrified I can tell you about this aspect of Chinese culture… (It’s also why bisexuals aren’t just erased in China, they’re actively despised by the rest of the queer world here.)
You know I ALWAYS want to hear your facts!
OK, here goes.
Family is everything in China. The family values instilled by millennia of Confucianism dictates that all proper children will procreate. And the social pressure to procreate: to get married, and have a child (back when the one-child policy held sway) or multiple children (before that policy and after it) is immense.
Very few people are strong enough to resist.
So what happens in queer culture?
Well, queer or no, you will give your parents grandchildren. Which means that almost every queer person will wind up in a loveless marriage that’s torture for both parties solely so that the parental demand for a grandchild is delivered.
Now some techniques have evolved for this. Like the bearded marriages. A gay couple and a lesbian couple get cross-married so officially on paper there’s one man with one woman. But they live close to each other and in reality the man is married to the man and the woman to the woman. (The trans issue is … let’s just say it hasn’t arrived here yet in any real strength and leave it at that.) But very few people can swing a bearded marriage. So most queer people are going to be married to someone they don’t love and who will learn to hate them once the truth comes out (because it always will). Queer couples know this, at some deep level, and are resigned to it.
And into the mix come bis.
Bis can “pass” for straight. Which means that a bi woman, for example, can get into a lesbian relationship happily, but when the inevitable pressure happens, they’ll scarper off, find a guy, and live happily ever after, leaving behind a lesbian who is doomed to what I mentioned earlier. (Same for bisexual men and gays.) This breeds an incredible amount of resentment, as if the bisexual is just there for a few laughs, playing with the emotions of their queer lover before running off and living the straight life. As such, bisexuals are LOATHED in local queer culture; are viewed as worse than the worst. Worse, even, than a homophobe.
I’m not surprised. Bi’s are largely seen as bad news here in the UK, it’s got to be far worse in more homophobic countries. It’s all horribly sad