I in general tend to feel pretty included, but it’s shocking how many cis LGBT people think they can reclaim trans slurs and try to explain to me why it’s actually okay that the called me a trap or a tranny because they’re reclaiming it. Like, even if you heard a trans person use a slur to describe themself, please, do not call me that. (I wanna be clear, not talking about this community, happens mostly IRL.)
In general it’s pretty common to feel like people are trying to be inclusive, which is nice, but my god cis people just can’t help talking over trans people about trans issues.
Reclaiming a slur is only something that the target of the slur can do. Self describing with the slur as an individual or as group is reclaiming the slur. Calling someone a slur when you’re not a target of that slur, is just referring to someone with a slur. That’s not reclaiming, that’s just claiming.
But trying to explain it away instead of just apologizing is the worst part.
My policy with any minority is to not use slurs of any kind, “reclaimed” or otherwise. Precisely because the ethics and social dance around reclaimed slurs is very complicated and very easy to fuck up.
And there’s no need for them. Anything that a slur, “reclaimed” or otherwise, says can be said without the “reclaimed” slur.
I think this is generally a good policy, but I’m going to add a tiny bit of nuance if that’s alright. Language is changing and evolving constantly and nonuniformly: what might have been a slur decades ago is now a proper academic term (“queer”) and what would have been lightly negative schoolyard insult is now pretty heinous in most circles (r* slur).
I think the important takeaway here is that you can’t reclaim slurs for groups you are not a part of, full stop. If someone from a group requests to be referred to by something that sounds disrespectful to you (it/its pronouns is a huge one), it’s not up to you to decide better for that person, you know? But you shouldn’t also extrapolate that to other people of that group without confirming with individuals either.
For a quick example, when I came out to my mom she was horrified that I would use queer to describe my sexuality and my community, because she had only ever known that word as a slur. But we talked it out and she understands now that you can say queer with pride instead of hate, you know?
So I’m okay getting outpaced by folks who want to feel empowered by language that has been used to put them and their community down in the past (and I think little shits making people feel bad by saying they’re reclaiming something they don’t have a claim to should be told to fuck off and grow up).
I didn’t say that groups shouldn’t reclaim slurs for themselves. (I mean I use “queer” myself, or when I feel especially spicy I’ll use some of the more ugly slurs of “Asians”.)
I’m saying that as a non-member I won’t use slurs to “reclaim” them. They’re not mine to reclaim and the process is fraught with too many chances of hurting people.
All the power to the younger generations on reclaiming slurs, but as someone who is trans I’m not gonna be running around dropping the T word anytime soon. It’s still a rather hurtful term for many per my understanding. Perhaps when I’m old and gray and the young adults have no clue it used to be one I will join in on using it.
I in general tend to feel pretty included, but it’s shocking how many cis LGBT people think they can reclaim trans slurs and try to explain to me why it’s actually okay that the called me a trap or a tranny because they’re reclaiming it. Like, even if you heard a trans person use a slur to describe themself, please, do not call me that. (I wanna be clear, not talking about this community, happens mostly IRL.)
In general it’s pretty common to feel like people are trying to be inclusive, which is nice, but my god cis people just can’t help talking over trans people about trans issues.
Hearing about people like that really upsets me.
Reclaiming a slur is only something that the target of the slur can do. Self describing with the slur as an individual or as group is reclaiming the slur. Calling someone a slur when you’re not a target of that slur, is just referring to someone with a slur. That’s not reclaiming, that’s just claiming.
But trying to explain it away instead of just apologizing is the worst part.
My policy with any minority is to not use slurs of any kind, “reclaimed” or otherwise. Precisely because the ethics and social dance around reclaimed slurs is very complicated and very easy to fuck up.
And there’s no need for them. Anything that a slur, “reclaimed” or otherwise, says can be said without the “reclaimed” slur.
I think this is generally a good policy, but I’m going to add a tiny bit of nuance if that’s alright. Language is changing and evolving constantly and nonuniformly: what might have been a slur decades ago is now a proper academic term (“queer”) and what would have been lightly negative schoolyard insult is now pretty heinous in most circles (r* slur).
I think the important takeaway here is that you can’t reclaim slurs for groups you are not a part of, full stop. If someone from a group requests to be referred to by something that sounds disrespectful to you (it/its pronouns is a huge one), it’s not up to you to decide better for that person, you know? But you shouldn’t also extrapolate that to other people of that group without confirming with individuals either.
For a quick example, when I came out to my mom she was horrified that I would use queer to describe my sexuality and my community, because she had only ever known that word as a slur. But we talked it out and she understands now that you can say queer with pride instead of hate, you know?
So I’m okay getting outpaced by folks who want to feel empowered by language that has been used to put them and their community down in the past (and I think little shits making people feel bad by saying they’re reclaiming something they don’t have a claim to should be told to fuck off and grow up).
I didn’t say that groups shouldn’t reclaim slurs for themselves. (I mean I use “queer” myself, or when I feel especially spicy I’ll use some of the more ugly slurs of “Asians”.)
I’m saying that as a non-member I won’t use slurs to “reclaim” them. They’re not mine to reclaim and the process is fraught with too many chances of hurting people.
Totally! I think we’re saying the same things :)
We might indeed be agreeing vociferously! 😆
All the power to the younger generations on reclaiming slurs, but as someone who is trans I’m not gonna be running around dropping the T word anytime soon. It’s still a rather hurtful term for many per my understanding. Perhaps when I’m old and gray and the young adults have no clue it used to be one I will join in on using it.
I love your comment here because I relate to it so much.
I just also want to mention I find it funny, the idea of a “cis lgbt person”. Like I know what the phrase means but it also sounds funny
Ugh I hate that. I’d never refer to a gay man with a slur, it’s not ok to do that. It’s really not ok to claim a word for you