Germany, Hesse. We have some … interesting regional idioms Examples:

• Furz mit Krücken (a fart with crutches) - a really stupid idea that’s bound to fail

• Eine Gardinenpredigt halten (to hold a curtain preach) - to rant / tell someone off in a loud and angry way

• Das macht den Bock auch nicht fett (that doesn’t fatten up the billy goat either) - somehing doesn’t matter anymore

• Das Kind ist in den Brunnen gefallen (the child fell into the well) - something bad has already happened, intervening isn’t possible anymore, the only option is to deal with the consequences.

• Besser als in die hohle Hand geschissen (better than shitting into your hollow hand) - better than nothing

• Auf dem Zahnfleisch kriechen (to crawl on your gums) - to be totally exhausted

• Klappe zu, Affe tot (hatch closed, monkey dead) - this is the end of the discussion

• Passt wie die Faust aufs Auge (like a fist fits the eye) - a perfect match. Another variant is “Passt wie Arsch auf Eimer” (fits like a butt on a bucket)

• Eine Laus über die Leber gelaufen (A louse walked across your liver) - to be annoyed and failing to hide it

• Einen Besen fressen (to eat a broom) - exclamation of disbelief (“If that is really true, I’m going to eat a broom”)

• Der hat Haare auf den Zähnen (he has hair on his teeth) - he is stubborn and loud about it

• Das Leben ist wie’s ist, wer nen scheppen Arsch hat, hat nen scheppen Schiss. (Life is life, a person with a sideways arse poops sideways turds) - stop complaining about stuff you can’t change. “Schepp” is “schief”, but said with a dialect.

• Wie der Och’s wenns blitzt (like an ox when lightning strikes) - to stare dumbfounded into space, usually because you don’t understand something / are surprised

• Einbildung ist auch eine Bildung (delusion is also a form of education) - when someone is dumb but so full of themselves that they don’t realize HOW dumb they are. “Einbildung” and “eine Bildung” sound very similar.

• Wer im Glashaus sitzt, soll nicht mit Steinen werfen (if you sit in a glass house, don’t throw stones) - don’t gossip about others when you’re also guilty of the thing you want to gossip about

• Am Arsch die Waldfee (by the butt of the forest fairy) - “This is ridiculous and I refuse to believe it” Another variant is “Am Arsch die Räuber” (by the butts of the robbers)

• Himmel, Arsch und Zwirn! (heaven, ass and twine!) - for fuck’s sake!

• Herr, schmeiss Hirn vom Himmel! (Lord, throw a brain down from the Heavens!) - when you’re frustrated with someone really stupid. Another variant is “Herr, schmeiss Hirn vom Himmel - oder Steine, Hauptsache du triffst!” (Lord, throw a brain down from the Heavens - or rocks, as long as you hit your mark!)

• Nicht mein Affe, nicht mein Zirkus (not my monkey, not my circus) - This is not my responsibility, go ask someone else

• Wie ein Affe auf einem Schleifstein (like a monkey sitting on a grindstone) - you’re sitting weird

• Das gleiche in Grün (the same, but green) - two things are essentially the same

• Zum Mäusemelken (like milking mice) - something is complicated and frustrating

• Ich hab schon Pferde vor der Apotheke kotzen sehen (I’ve seen horses barf in front of a pharmacy) - I’ve seen weirder things in my life