The second. The second before you die.
I don’t think Millennials will ever reach the same level of financial security that boomers had. It feels like I’m always treading water, only barely able to get by. I never have money to go on vacation, eat out, or buy a car. Everything is so expensive that I’m lucky if I don’t go deeper into debt by the end of the month.
I wanna become an alcoholic but I can’t afford that with my ~$100k salary.
After you go to therapy
After therapy
I relate heavily to the OP. Especially the past couple of days. I always just seem to get in trouble for just existing the wrong way… particularly at work.
What am I supposed to even talk about in therapy? I’ve tried it numerous times over the past several years, and I don’t know what the fuck to say. And then when I do try to say something, the therapist latches onto some simpler and more obvious issue that I don’t care about OR just ignores my concerns altogether.
I think therapy seems to work out better if you have one obvious, specific problem. Like I knew someone who was having panic attacks. Therapy helped her. I knew someone who was hallucinating and cutting herself. Medications combined with therapy helped her.
But if I don’t have the one specific obvious problem, then both myself and therapists seem to get lost and the resulting sessions are ineffective .
Capitalism
“feeling like you’re in trouble” is one specific problem. You might have other problems too but you can’t fix them all at once. Focus on one at a time. Share the existentialist memes you identify with with the therapist.
They’re going to want to unpack why you feel that way, and you need to be willing to do some introspection outside the session about why that is. Write down individual times, things, or places when you “feel in trouble”.
Share the post you just wrote. Read it to them verbatim. You do have things to say.
If you go blank during the session and think you have nothing to say, write down things ahead of time and read them off your phone, even if they’re “just” lemmy comments.
What are you feeling that you don’t want to struggle with anymore? Is it guilt? Is it feeling in the way? Is it an unnamable negative? If it’s the last one then you can probably do some work surrounding labelling your emotions, so that you can then apply logic to them- do they fit the current situation? Or no?
Finding a good therapist is like dating. You might not jive with everyone, and that’s ok! It sounds like you would do well with one who either a) is cool with you coming to the session with a goal or who b) helps you set a goal for each session at the beginning. It sounds like your previous therapists weren’t meeting your goals, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t worthwhile.
I’m sorry that you feel like you’re getting in trouble often. I hope this feeling passes soon.
That’s the real answer. It may take a lot of therapy though
Imagine you have a shovel. And a mountain of shit.
Once you start working through the mountain of shit, eventually you can see the shit that was occluded by the mountain of shit.
It may be bigger. It may be smaller. But there’s a lot there and you have to work through it anyway.
You dig and dig. Years go by. Decades. You look at your shovel, its covered in shit. You look closer, it is actually made of shit.
Slowly you look down at your arms, legs and body. Youre shit. You turn around, and a new person is coming over with a shovel made of shit to dig you up.
Circle of life man… circle of life.
Fortunately the creators of south park created a shitless world when they released the episode “you’re getting old” June 8th 2011. Why else would you air such a episode unless life was actually perfect? Clearly the people struggling are the ones who are shit. Obviously, can’t theyjust see how great everything is for everyone? What’s wrong with those people?
Yup, nothing can be shit for the rest of time. Utopia. Nirvana. Shangrila.
Thank you for your community service Matt Stone and Trey Parker. You fixed it all.
And sometimes disturbing the shit makes other shit that you haven’t had to deal with in a long time come crashing down on your head.
And then you realize you put in all that effort to identifying your shit piles ahead of time and no one’s there to give you a cookie for your hard work so you have to do it yourself, even thigh that’s it’s own pile, on top of the work of shoveling other piles.
TBH that’s where I am. After learning and slowly coming to terms with the fact that I was in an abusive relationship for over a decade, I’m now at the point where I want to do things she prevented me from doing.
Like buying a sports car. I can’t really afford it, but I’m going to talk about it until I can.
Haha same actually, 5yrs here.
Good luck on the sports car!
I’m just happy to try new stuff without that lead vest of anxiety. Go skating, get back into backpacking, drop a glass and just sweep it up without the world ending. You know, simple things.
Pfff, who can afford that? /s
Until you get the bill.
I was going to say this. I don’t have that feeling. You probably need help if you have that feeling constantly.
Yep, feeling like you’re constantly in trouble constantly is one of the hallmarks of C-PTSD
About a week or so after you die.
unless the rumors are true
So hell is just all your dead relatives yelling at you for shit you did throughout your life?
what else would you call that
When we liberate ourselves from wage slavery
When the natrual progress of mankind stops being artificially blocked by Capitalism.
Its not the 8% annual money supply growth that is skyrocketing home values via the cantillon effect and devaluing your salary, its “capitalism”.
That’s a cool new buzzword to accept slavery
brilliant logic, let me try:
it’s not the commercial planes that crashed into the WTC on 9/11, it’s “Al Qaeda”.
doing worry, it’ll happen, it’s a big milestone usually celebrated with friends and family, they can it the funeral
Raised Catholic too, huh?
Early 40’s and it gets worse every year… I hate hearing “life gets better as you get older”. I feel like my 30’s were mostly ok, but that sense of everything is wrong only grows each year that goes by. I miss my 20’s and I know I’ll never have as good of a time as I did then. My only hope is that if I make it to retirement, maybe then I can relax a little before I die? I forget what it’s like to not have constant worries.
Don’t worry, now people in their 20s are feeling the same way. So at least you’re not alone.
Shit’s fucked
try meditation. contrary to what we’re taught from birth, you CAN decide for yourself how you feel. it takes a lot of self-deprogramming, but it’s worth the effort. that freedom, and the realization that this might be the only thing in life you DO have control over–the control you think you have over everything else is just an illusion. and that’s fine
try meditation. contrary to what we’re taught from birth, you CAN decide for yourself how you feel.
Do you have resources that teach you the basics of this deprogramming in a pragmatic, fact based way without too much nonsense?
i always recommend mindfulness in plain english by by Bhante Gunaratana as a start. not sure what you mean by “nonsense,” but this book is just method: how to let go of things and find peace, where before we wouldn’t even realize we just spent the whole day dwelling on something that irked us that morning, and can’t figure out why we’re so pissed off at bedtime. we’re not paying enough attention to realize we’re not paying enough attention. it sounds like a simple thing to fix but it’s not remotely easy–people spend lifetimes working on this.
because psychology and mental processes are so subjective, it’s different for everyone–the “facts” you’ll find will be personal testimonies (thousands of years’ worth). but there are studies if that makes it more “valid” for you.
I’ve always really liked Jon Kabat-Zinn. His secular view of mindfulness is very palatable for folks who aren’t as much into the “woo woo” aspects of spirituality. His book Wherever You Go There You Are is a great introduction.
I’d add that part of my personal journey has been from someone who was radically anti-woo woo to someone who without judgment accepts that there are others who choose to practice different types of spirituality from me (as long as they aren’t hurting others with their beliefs or practices, I’ll mindfully tell those people to get fucked)
he gave a great workshop at a google retreat, back before they went complete scumlord, that i still refer people to
I work in mental health and have found that in general, people hate this concept. People can have difficulty tolerating the idea that they have any control over their internal experience, because the implication is that they are at least partially responsible for their negative thoughts and emotions. A lot of people will cling like crazy to blaming external factors for their condition in order to protect their ego (though not a conscious process).
The reality is the only person who has control over your internal experience is you, and research shows time and again that people’s level of contentment is only partially correlated to factors like income and quality of life, because everyone gets to decide for themselves how to think and feel if they decide to.
If it’s not for the ego then it’s simply not having the cognitive framework. I think it’s more common just to not know how to make a choice or that your choices are valid. At least, that would look like the same avoidant behavior from the outside.
Yes yes it’s your fault your brain chemistry is imbalanced that’ll be $500 pls
Thank you for providing evidence to support my point
I’m sorry I didn’t do my homework of copying The Fountainhead ten times please don’t yell at me anymore Dr. Medicàl Mōdel 😔
You’re really good at cop outs
You could be this awesome too if you’d pulled yourself up by your bootstraps and just been less sad.
It’s as simple as listening to literally any psychologist, free purveyors of a completely solved science!
I’m struggling to understand your point. You’re 1) accusing me of perpetuating “the medical model,” and 2) disagreeing with me that mindfulness meditation (literally a free thing you can do alone in your room) can help people take more control of their internal state? The implication here is you think more people should just be on antidepressant meds for the rest of their lives, I guess?
If your takeaway from everything I’ve said about mindfulness meditation helping people take some control of their thoughts and feelings is that I’m telling people to “just be less sad,” you just aren’t listening.
people hate this concept
we’re conditioned to hate this concept by capitalism. “you cannot just be happy don’t be ridiculous. you need to BUY STUFF in order to be happy, otherwise you’re doomed to misery 100% forever.” it’s deeply woven into the fabric of our whole culture, where we’re comparing ourselves to everyone else all day every day.
so yea. we’re taught to hate the idea that peace, happiness, contentment, etc can come from within, rather than having to “obtain” it externally (usually involving cash exchange). once this notion is thrown out the window, life becomes much simpler, smoother, less stressful
we’re conditioned to hate this concept by capitalism. “you cannot just be happy don’t be ridiculous. you need to BUY STUFF in order to be happy
Does this stuff include psychotherapy and medication?
you need to BUY STUFF in order to be happy, otherwise you’re doomed to misery 100% forever.
Most people need to work their 2nd or 3rd job to make rent and pay the bills. Which leaves little room for internal exploration, self actualization, or connection to a wider community.
mindfulness costs nothing, doesn’t require any external “equipment,” and can be practiced literally any time. yes, even at your 3rd job.
but it sounds like you’re dead set on rejecting it outright without a second thought. ironic. woe is you, i guess?
yea. it is what it is. good luck
People can have difficulty tolerating the idea that they have any control over their internal experience
This shit is a lazy response to the reality of a lot of people’s actual experiences and, truthfully, may as well be a postmodern signpost for the allegory of the cave.
I work in homeless services now and help meet people’s very basic needs and try to get them housed. I don’t need you to lecture me about people’s actual experiences, I’ve seen the worst.
Recognizing that anyone can learn to exert more control over their own internal experience does nothing to delegitimize anyone’s life experience. Not only that, I believe it empowers people.
What’s funny is in my anecdotal experience, the group most resistant to the concept of mindfulness are people of privilege
It only happens when you become insanely wealthy through no actual fault of your own yet think you are a self made billionaire.
This basically explains Elon Musk.
Ah! Now I know this one, it usually happens a few months after you shuffle off the mortal coil. Nothing to worry about, it’s a problem that solves itself!
Other than that, I’m afraid you’re stuck with it - a bit like marriage “till death do us part”.
For some it comes with age, as they gradually give less and less of a shit. Around 40, maybe? Might stem from a mindset of: “You’ve already thrown me all the curveballs you can, world. You can’t hurt me anymore.”
Narrator: “Life could, in fact, throw many more curveballs.”
Hahahahaha omg so true.
All I hear is a song from My Fair Lady: “Just You Wait, Henry Higgens, Just You Wait”
Most certainly - only that I don’t worry as much about the curveballs coming. 😉
As someone who’s reached 45… definitely not. I have way more anxiety, am more easily stressed, and constantly have imposter syndrome and worries I did not have when I was in my 20’s and 30’s. I’m used to some of it, but life now throws me different curveballs. 30’s were probably my best decade thus far concerning the OPs statement.
Exactly the same for me at 47. It’s like you described my own personal experience.
My 30s were actually my worst, I think (with the exception of my childhood). When I turned 40, it was almost like flipping a switch, but it also coincided with my son being born a year and a half before that. Of course there are new things to worry about, but it’s different, somehow. Things are much better now. ☺️
It’s odd for me in that my 20’s and 30’s were full of changes (relationships, moves, kids, job, etc) and by all accounts should have been the more stressful, tumultuous time, but I definitely just cruised right through feeling like I had it together and bouncing from challenge to challenge.
Now that I’m in my 40’s, I’ve sorted out the big things, I’ve stabilized my life and I’ve got more experience and wisdom… but I’m simultaneously aware of more things I know I can’t solve and that’s much harder to deal with mentally.
I find it easy to blame everyone else for the state of the world. So in my book, everyone else is in trouble.
