Back in my day we only had one Johnson quote, and we had to share the quote.

My favourites from that :

“Stupid bastard hasn’t even got a neck” after the pitchfork is bullied to a suicide attempt and they’re still taking the piss while he’s hanging.

“Hey Barry, looks like one of them squirrels, let’s go kick the shit out of him” - dung beetles, unprompted.

You’re going with your wife. She’s your human Teflon.

As a single adult man any space not specifically targeted to you will draw heat and dirty looks. With a wife and/or kids to hide behind the world is yours for the taking.

DARLING HOLD MY HAND

Probably. I went searching specifically for reddit alternatives. Found Lemmy immediately and haven’t bothered to go looking for others. I assume many here followed the same path I did.

We’re pretty lazy as a species.

I expect the whole central curve to open to reveal a spiral staircase to the next level.

“The right person in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world” - Half Life 2

The creepy gait of his voice gives me goosebumps every time.

When i say “sorry mate I never noticed your message” I want to have plausible deniability. When they look over my shoulder and see their message, alone, in my notications tray theyre going to go “mm-hmmm” and it’ll get uncomfortable.

If theyre buried underneath 10 other messages and notifications that I have energy in Mafia Wars and my minions miss me and someone sent me lives in candy crush and rain is expected soon and my Google One is out of storage and there is motion at your front door and you have (3) new voicemails an…

I think I can get away with it. I have to deal with a smug “why don’t you just…” from them, but at least they don’t know I didnt have the emotional capacity to deal with them earlier and they won’t take it personally now.

I used to love getting foreigners who’ve only learned English for weapons/vehicles that don’t translate for some reason and swear words.

You’d get “eusbdheu sjot8fb skxbfh LE SNIPER RIFLE eudbdisn fjfbdbdju kshdbdbr LE ROCKET LAUNCHER fidndjdb skejfb behdhcui SHIT BASTARD FUCK BASTARD FUCK FUCK BASTARD SHIT”

They could tell him to do it himself. Im pretty sure he won’t actually have a clue how.

I certainly don’t know how. I couldn’t even get up there.

Cheap and prepared by slaves?

Absolutely is. Im guessing only temporarily though. Pretty sure you can just stop taking your birth control pills and start ovulating properly again.

Seems like a pretty good idea as long as it doesn’t get slippery sloped. No babies while mething about.

Absolutely, and like most abhorrent evil the first step is such a positive idea you cant possibly object.

I looked at the ‘games on sale, x% off’ section on the Xbox last night, and like 80% of it is DLC for games and in-game currencies.

“GTA V for £4? Sweet! Oh, its a bunch of GTA money? Gay.”

Ive been patiently waiting for anyone to make a plan. Ive been told to WAKE UP SHEEPLE many times, but never once given any clue on what to do once awake.

Wish I could go back to sleep for a bit tbh

Gymbro bodysculpt enthusiasts are wild. They won’t have tasty meals because they don’t want food to be associated with pleasure, only fuel.

Maybe it works, maybe its a clever brain hack, but I suspect its from the same pseuds that brought us nofap

unless its VR

I thought the same thing about touchscreens when they first came out. I really did think they were the future of gaming. Seemingly limitless buttons in limitless combinations. Touch and drag game pieces directly, action and vision in the same place.

Turns out gaming on mobile is shit. So so shit.

Maybe VR will end up the same way. Its pretty neat now while its still new and shiny, but maybe it never actually reaches potential.