I typically don’t care about things like hairstyle, makeup or clothes. But my wife has started giving herself a buzz cut and I simply hate it. I told her and she grew it out for a while, but she said longer hair was making her depressed and it needed to be a buzz cut. She said it just looks like her when she sees it. Part of me thinks that’s gender euphoria and she’s just around the corner from realising that she’s trans. I would not be comfortable continuing the relationship in that case. (She has said she feels a-gender but not male).

I’ve tried to tolerate it, but I dislike looking at her now and it’s contributing to me being depressed now. I don’t want these feelings every time I look at my wife.

We’ve generally had a good relationship over about one and a half decades, with two young children. We’re also codependent and own a house together.

It would make things difficult if we separate. I really don’t want to separate just because of a haircut, but I’ve definitely been thinking about it. I just don’t know what to do.

  • Maalus@lemmy.worldEnglish
    62·
    8 months ago

    Cool, but let’s not act as if being attractive isn’t high on the list for a lot of people. We aren’t living in a society where that’s no longer the case. That’s why models still have a job, and why actors are incredibly attractive, and hell, why barbers exist and the entire beauty industry does. Nobody would go to plastic surgery if it didn’t impact people around them. Even politicians get work done on them constantly.

    • LustyArgonian@lemmy.worldEnglish
      35·
      8 months ago

      I’m going to be super super real with you right now. Men who demand very specific looks for their women are either 1) projecting their own womanhood, who they’d be as a woman onto their partner or 2) using their partner to be near other men. It has nothing to do with the woman’s attractiveness, barring serious disfigurement.

      A simple haircut, outfit, or makeup look being enough to make someone “unattracted” to you, shows that it was about you being their doll from the beginning. OP should buy a wig and wear long hair for himself if he likes it so much. He seems to be projecting being trans onto his wife who stated they are agender.

      In essence, you are either gay or a woman yourself at some level (lesbian or not), if you are demanding specific looks to consider your partner “attractive.” This is why most lesbian relationships allow for women to look different btw, because both women are allowed to freely express their genders and don’t have to be a performative doll for a man - who has no clue what it’s like to live as a woman! And he should! Go! Be women! Wear skirts and wigs and do it. Go to Portland and no one will even notice or care. And stop putting your demands on us women.