Who here is parenting an ND child?

Has finding out their diagnosis also led to you or their other parent to a late diagnosis?

Any resources you’d like to share with the community?

  • TechyDad@beehaw.orgEnglish
    4·
    1 year ago

    I’m the father of a son with Asperger’s/High Functioning Autism. (He was diagnosed just before Asperger’s was folded into Autism in general.) As I was reading up on Autism to see what my son was going through, I realized something weird. All these books on Autism were talking about me.

    Now, once always known I was different, but I chalked this up to “stunted social growth due to excessive bullying in high school.” Of course, this didn’t explain why I did some things into my mid-30’s.

    I came to the realization that I’m Autistic. It was a tough realization to come to. My entire sense of self felt like it was destroyed. Everything I thought I knew about myself was wrong and I needed to rebuild my sense of self from scratch. Once I got over the shock, though, everything about my life made a lot more sense.

    I never got a diagnosis, though, for various reasons. It would cost money when money was tight. It wouldn’t have helped my son and I also had (unknowingly) developed coping mechanisms. So I’m undiagnosed, but 100% positive that I’m ND.

    • Zumbador@mefi.social
      2·
      1 year ago

      @TechyDad

      It’s profound, realising that you’re autistic .

      I wonder why some of us find it so traumatic, and others so liberating?

      Maybe it’s to do with how it happens. For me, I came to this self discovery after struggling with severe mental health problems that didn’t seem to have any explanation.

      Realising I’m autistic was an incredible release from self blame.

      I think there’s a unique journey for parents of autistic children, though. And not an easy one.

      Be kind and patient with yourself.

      @neamhsplach

      • David Nash@mastodon.online
        0·
        1 year ago

        @Zumbador @TechyDad @neamhsplach A lot of it may boil down to this:

        Was #ActuallyAutistic a label chosen *by* you, as a result of accurate and compassionately-communicated information?

        Or was it chosen *for* you, by people who were more interested in trying to “solve the problem” that is you, and are ultimately not motivated by acting for your own well-being?

        (I spent most of my life in the second camp, and even on the best days, the term “autistic” is emotionally fraught for me.)

        • TechyDad@beehaw.org
          1·
          1 year ago

          For me, it was traumatic in the short term, but liberating in the long term and I chose it for myself.

          In the short term, it was traumatic because it meant everything I thought I knew about myself was wrong. When you get to your 30’s, you have a pretty set in stone view of who you are and why you do things. Realizing that I’m autistic shattered that self view. Suddenly, reasons why I thought I did many things were wrong and were replaced by other reasons.

          This was traumatic, but I eventually (over a few months) rebuilt my sense of self to include autism. This rebuilt sense of self was stronger than before. Thus, the short term trauma led to longer term benefits for me.

          Would I want to go through this sense of self shattering again? No, but I’m glad I went through it then.

        • Zumbador@mefi.social
          1·
          1 year ago

          @dpnash

          Very true. And definitely something late realised autistic people are often not aware of.

          But I meant to ask a different question, which is why people in the first group (realising they’re autistic vs having been diagnosed by someone else ) sometimes have such different experiences.

          @TechyDad @neamhsplach

          • Kevin Davy@universeodon.com
            1·
            1 year ago

            @Zumbador @dpnash @TechyDad @neamhsplach@beehaw. org
            Perhaps it’s as simple as, did you come to realise you were autistic because you were searching for an answer. And whilst autism might not be the one you wanted it is still a relief to have one. Or, was the realisation thrust upon you, perhaps by seeing yourself in your child. In which case you’re having to deal with something unsought for.

      • Mummelpuffin@beehaw.orgEnglish
        1·
        1 year ago

        I’ve got to ask, I’m still figuring this whole Fediverse thing out- is your user account hosted on Mastodon or Lemmy? This comment was posted to the Neurodivergence community, and your account comes up as a Lemmy account, but then it’s implied that it’s really coming from Mastodon (and I had no idea hash-tags and the @ symbol would work across both).