The context makes it worse, but I’m just trying to gauge how fucked up normal people would find this, because being raised by this kind of person messed with my calibration.
It depends - are their arms broken?
a semi obscure Reddit reference appears
It’s an older meme, but it checks out.
14 years ago, just checked. Here’s the link, just in case there’s someone who never heard of this story:
https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/nmmjr/iama_man_who_had_a_sexual_relationship_with_his/
jesus wtf did i just read…
A modern classic!
Direct link to the comment explaining it.
In that case why would they need a fleshlight?
Physical therapy tool for when their arms heal and mom is at work
You can mount them on a wall.
The mother?
Might need a big hook.
I… Uh… Might have been raised in a culture that is quite different from yours, but I’d say very abnormal.
It’s entirely possible for a mother & son to have a loving, honest, and very Open relationship. They can discuss anything and be supportive.
Giving that kind of gift could fit right in with the dynamic. Or, a family could enjoy giving “gag gifts” and it could be one of those.
It does not have to be a weird or bizarre gift.
Yeah, context is very important. It goes from fucking weird, to funny depending.
I fall into the latter category. At one point while I was growing up my dad gave my recently-divorced aunt a glow-in-the-dark vibrator for Christmas, and everyone thought it was hilarious. My sister and I had to pretend we didn’t understand what it was. Grandma I think maybe actually didn’t know what it was.
I definitely also have known people who would be mortified to even hear that story, much less have it happen to them. It really does just depend on the dynamic.
Yeppers
True, fair, and open minded. But if that were the case, though, then the question wouldn’t need to be asked.
deleted by creator
This is rather high on the cringe list.
Very. When I want to get off, I don’t want my Mum involved.
Not even with broken arms?
Why must I keep being reminded of this :(
If anyone isn’t familiar: they’re referencing a rather touching story, definitely Google it.
::: spoiler Plsdont :::
Touching is the right verb.
Your poor mother with broken arms most certainly should’nt be involved.
this isn’t reddit
This is the internet!
Haha I know a /r/neverbrokeabone member when I see one.
The only thing more fucked up is if you broke both arms.
On a scale of 1 to 10?
A solid 13.
Pretty weird.
That’s old enough they can buy their own.
Is it like a really passive aggressive sign mom doesn’t like their gf?
Ignoring context, it would be unusual, but not inherently worrying. There’s plenty of mothers that help guide their daughters to an age appropriate sex toy, and some that will do the same for their sons. Rarer, there are fathers that will do so, but men have to worry more about external opinions about such. A mothers buys a dildo for their kid, the default assumption is that it’s weird, but not bad. A father does it, and the default assumption is that he’s over the line.
That being said parents should be the default source is advice about such things, because a bunch of young idiots (as opposed to old idiots) trying to advise each other about things they don’t have much experience with is a recipe for hospital visits.
In terms of general purpose guidance, and funding/ordering sex toys, there’s nothing wrong with a parent helping their kids in that way, assuming care is taken. There’s even an argument to be made that verbal instructions on safe use are even to be encouraged, and helpful hints aren’t exactly out of line (for real, a lot of young people masturbate in unhealthy ways that just a few sentences could prevent much trouble down the line).
In context, with the info you provided in comments, the mother in question is not being a good parent in this case, so it fits the word abnormal in the sense that it is unhealthy.
It’s tough for me to imagine having a talk about sex toys with any of my differently-sexed kids in the future.
However, on the topic of safe use I have seen too many videos of surgeons removing a football-sized orc dildo from someone’s ass. I think I would find the courage to at least mention the importance of a sufficiently-flared base, especially if I’m on the hook for their medical expenses. Also, the junk caught in the metal cock rings. I’m sure there are more examples.
too many videos
One. One is the number.
That’s a hell of a compilation video.
It’s a little weird for sure. But the whole “do not shove things into you that aren’t fingers or designed for it” conversation is a lot less disturbing than the potential disturbance of that hospital visit. For that matter, it applies to the “don’t shove yourself or rub yourself against anything not designed for it or on/in a consenting and legal human” as well.
I’ve known a few people that suffered injury from humping stuff that wasn’t wise.
Also I’d believe that having an open and honest conversation about masturbation would also make it less awkward for the kid to tell their parent if something got stuck or they injured themselves, because if something like that happens, you’d want your kid telling you about that ASAP instead of hiding it or trying to solve it on their own out of embarassment, which could lead to even more problems, because no teen wants to go like “hey mom I got [mundande object that is absolutely not safe for that use] stuck in my ass/vagina” or “hey dad my dick got stuck in [object]”
Amen to that. Keeping a sense of open communication is vital while kids are going to be experimenting and exploring. Not just their bodies amd sexuality, but definitely for those.
I’m going against the majority.
It can be made into a weird situation, but the act itself is pragmatic and likely comes from a caring place.
Every parent with a son knows that theyre buffing the helmet any chance they get as teenagers. They’re gonna make messes, ruin washcloths, use all the hand lotion, etc. Any parent who thinks their son ain’t beating their meat like it owes them money is delusional. Long before your kids get to masturbation age, the parent(s) should have talked about it. If you wait until they get to the age of shame, that is going to be an uncomfortable and unproductive conversation. If you have had an ongoing and open dialog about sex, masturbation, their bodies and other topics, talking about some of the details later will not be a taboo topic. Thusly if the parent offers a masturbatory device to the child, it won’t be weird unless someone wants to make it that way. If the conversations have not taken place and you still want to get your kid a sex toy, you could just order something online and leave it for them without saying anything. You could also get them a gift card to the sex store so they can get something for themself. While I presume most teenage boys dont want to share their private acts of self - gratification with their parent, there is no reason why there cannot be practical honesty about them. Get your kid a sex toy, leave it in his room, and unless he wants to talk about it, assume that he will get many hours of satisfaction from it.
Giving their son a sex toy, whatever, not common, but it can help have a normal conversation about sex and realistic expectations.
For his birthday, kind of weird. I don’t think it should so formal a thing. Just so it and have the conversation about safe sex and how porn isn’t like real sex.
For his 18th, uhhhh little late to the party.
Okay but also giving a kid a sex toy before their 18th birthday is how you end up on a list and have to tell your neighbors about it.
I think most teens want parents who are caring and involved, but not in your face to this extent. They embarrass easy
I fully agree, this is a pragmatic gift if you kept your discourse about sexual topics open with your child from the beginning. I would’ve gone for a gift card so they can choose themselves in privacy, but it’s fine either way.
For prudish families who learnt of this gift this would be gossip material for the next year tho. So many puritans in the US, the neighbors might be the biggest issue, so i would’ve kept it on the down low.
“Abnormal” is pretty clear - this isn’t something I’d expect to see from one mom in a thousand - maybe ten thousand.
But so what? I doubt it’s an unhealthy act or situation, so fuck those other 9,999 moms! Actually, don’t - you have a fleshlight.
I’d be super curious to hear the context if you’re willing/able to share, but it all depends on the relationship between the mother and son. It strikes me as a bit weird and abnormal, and certainly embarrassing, but if you normally talk about sex in an open and healthy way with her, then this might not be as weird as it seems. Parents know their kids play with themselves, and it’s usually healthier to be open about it than to stigmatize it, but actively buying this kind of thing for her son is a bit much in my opinion…
He’s slightly intellectually disabled (if she had permitted him to have an education, he’d probably be normal) and she was obsessed with him. His sexuality was something that was very “open” to the family, like we all knew about his Megan Fox poster with a hole in it (which she bought for him) and the used tissues in his room were… excessive. Never cleaned up, could smell it in my room.
At one point he chased me and my younger sister around the house waving his penis at us.
I experienced something complicated from her, which toes the line around sexual abuse but isn’t as direct as “she diddled me.”
I’m of course the black sheep and have zero contact with anyone other than my sister now for having pointed out how weird/abusive the family dynamics were…
Dude, no. That is all super problematic.
Dude you buried the lede here.
I’m pretty sex positive and there are a lot of great suggestions from other users on how to make this a normal thing in normal dynamics…
But this makes it really weird
Agreed.
Both sides of my family are sex positive and a sex toy could work as a gag gift no problem.
We’re talking Christmas white elephant (that’s a present swap/steal thing) with adults only and sex toys/kits coming out.
In context this sounds like an abuse victim sadly.
He has been sexually abused by her, perhaps covertly. There is enough in what you described that if I was a mandated reporter, I’d be making a call. From what I know of CSA, he has multiple flags and signs of being sexually abused (nearly every sentence you wrote, actually). Kids don’t run around with their genitals put like that, chasing people, unless they were abused. Literally every developmentally delayed perskn I’ve known to do that ended up being sexually abused. Did he bed wet or soil his bedding at night as well, well into older age, eg middle school age, when he shouldn’t have been doing that?
Highly recommend, when you feel okay to do so, to look up emotional incest first, and parentification/adultification. That will explain how your mother has been grooming your brother to be her stand-in husband. The reason she didn’t want him to go to school is because a husband her age wouldn’t go to school (they are also full of mandated reporters - did she also avoid taking him to doctors and dentists?).
It sounds like your mom also had an emotionally incestuous relationship with you as well, so reading that material can be extremely “triggering” for you. My sincere condolences, it is very traumatizing. Reading about it can bring up old memories as your brain tries to organize old memories with this new information. Often people get tired, agitated, or even regress in age. Give yourself plenty of time to mentally adjust and read and lots of breaks outside walking around, ideally in nature, w eyeballs moving around and looking up at trees or clouds. OR you can try to play a game like Tetris afterwards (Tetris is specifically studied as being helpful for PTSD/trauma).
I will also rec the book The Borderline Mother, I’m not sure this applies to her at all, but my guess is that it does
And if it does, also recommend the book Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist. Likely you already do much of this which is why you’re the “black sheep” (aka you dont give her supply).
Oh, almost everything in that reddit post resonates with me over my experience with my mom.
That’s a lot to take in. Thanks for sharing. Oof
To be honest, opening this knowledge up can be overwhelming and can take years. Take your time with it. I still get new memories of abuse that my brain had sort of locked away, it gets easier to assimilate over time though once you have a good foundation/framework for the trauma. The 2 best things for you to remember, is that 1) your mom’s traits are hers, not automatically yours or every mom’s or every woman’s, because she has her own mental illness that is just a “her” thing and 2) good rolemodels you had as a kid besides her, even teachers or therapists or TV personalities
Actually your first point is currently what I am worrying over. I went back and read through the whole thing but with me as a parent as the perspective and was trying to see if I am doing any of it as well.
I can’t stop reading and it’s midnight and I should stop reading. Lol. Feels like I opened a can of worms.
There’s always tomorrow. It’s a good sign you don’t want to be like the person who hurt you and already differentiates you from them as a parent. You are already doing better than your mom by thinking that.
That “worms” feeling and the staying up late is because your brain is using histamine and adrenaline (plus other stuff) to make a lot of neural connections that were already close by. It will mildly restrict blood flow from smaller capillaries too. You can keep that busy or more switched off mentally by exercising and especially doing something that moves your eyes and the muscles under your eyes, eg face yoga. That gets the circulation going back into the small capillaries and helps you reset biochemically. Even just flexing your undereyes (like John Wayne squints) will encourage blood flow in your face and help.
It is a lot of work and pain now, but it is absolutely worth it to see through the bullshit and heal yourself. I am a happier person for it 1000%. It’s worth it to be brave but go slow and don’t push it. Take breaks.
Therapists can be hit or miss (a bad one is worse than no therapist), but you can find one that specializes in BPD that can help guide you (not that you per se have it, but they work with it a lot and can help you understand it really well). BPD, even residual fleas from parents, is VERY treatable with dialectal behavior therapy and talk therapy as long as the person wants to learn and the therapist is adequate (some aren’t).
Thank you for all the responses, I promise I am reading it all I just don’t have much to say back and I think if I did it would mostly be trauma dumping.
I will genuinely try the face yoga. Anyways, thank you. I hope you continue to be happier :)
That does help explain the strangeness of the whole thing, thanks for sharing. Sounds like things were pretty tough for you, so I’m sorry for that.
It sounds like he is a bit oversexualized (not sure if that’s the right term), but it doesn’t seem like it’s anything too out of the ordinary for someone figuring themselves out. Many of us probably pushed things a bit too far when we were little, I certainly didn’t understand how uncomfortable it made people for me to run around the house naked when I was young. But we all test boundaries like that when we’re growing up, and usually the adults around us help us find the right boundaries, not stretch them.
So yeah, with that new context, giving a fleshlight to her 18 year old son is very odd, and does raise some red flags. Sounds like you made the right call cutting things off.
In that situation id say a fleshlight without a serious theraputic intervention on how to express sexuality in a healthy way is nothing but enabling very dangerous behaviors.
its extremely wierd, and getting close to oedipus/fruedian territory. maybe as a gag gift, if the son is doing something like porn, but even that is sitll wierd.
It’s an unusual gift and would make most people incredibly awkward but there’s nothing sinister in the act itself, absent of the context. People gift things like guns and alcohol and I would argue those do more harm.
between a scale of “giving your kid condoms and the talk on prom night” and "mother measures my penis every weekend at bath time” this is a solid “my mother bought me a fleshlight so I remember her every time I crank it”.
Jesus dude…I’m sorry. and if you’re into that shit…congratulations?
I remember watching this show dark side of the ring, and this one wrestler buff bagwell would get his mom to shave his asshole for him. Some people are weird
I could have gone my whole life not knowing this. now that I know…I must tell others, and progress the dark shame of humanity.
Same energy as grandad buying his grandson a sex doll. Make sure to not buy the Gazorpazorps Gwendolyn model.
