my bf is poly and already has a bf, so he doesn’t want to initiate anything with me. he doesn’t wanna call nor hang out, and he always texts very dry. he’s nice, but i don’t feel loved.

I’m not doing well mentally though. my gf already ignores me (she and i are poly too) and i feel like i will die if he breaks up (though i clearly won’t die)

  • Ziggurat@jlai.lu
    2·
    4 hours ago

    • Already has a BF,

    • Doesn’t want to initiate

    • Doesn’t call

    • Doesn’t hang-out

    It’s not your boyfriend, it’s at best a crush you had a one night stand with him

  • WoodScientist@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    41·
    16 hours ago

    So this person doesn’t want to call or hang out with you, never initiates anything, doesn’t make you feel loved, and just sends soulless loveless texts like they are sending a work email?

    Sorry to be blunt, but what makes you think this person is your boyfriend?

    • drbollocks@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPEnglish
      72·
      16 hours ago

      well he does but he feels bad bc he has a bf he has been dating longer.

      sometimes he’ll send the occasional heart emojis if i do first

      “They mostly just type like this.

      Hello

      I’m fine, what about you?

      Sorry, I can’t hang out. I don’t want my boyfriend to be upset.”

      • WoodScientist@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
        19·
        16 hours ago

        Sounds like he’s just using you as his fucktoy.

        Dump this bum. Have some more respect for yourself. You deserve love and respect. If someone is going to be in a poly relationship, everyone in that relationship needs to be OK with it. It sounds like his boyfriend isn’t. If his boyfriend being upset is a reason not to be with you, then you aren’t really in a poly relationship. He’s in a relationship with his boyfriend, and he’s just occasionally cheating on his boyfriend with you. A poly relationship requires that all members be fine with the other members getting together. That is the difference between being poly and being a cheating bastard.

        Dump this bum.

  • Porto881@lemmy.worldEnglish
    301·
    16 hours ago

    Posts like these have taught me to run for the hills the second someone mentions being “poly.”

    • socialjusticewizard@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
      27·
      16 hours ago

      It works for some people but everything i ever hear just sounds so high maintenance.

      Then again, the people in comfortable stable poly relationships probably don’t post much about it online

    • you_are_dust@lemm.ee
      7·
      14 hours ago

      This is entirely anecdotal, but everyone that I have ever spoken to in real life that was poly seemed to be poly because the original relationship was failing. They were no longer getting any attention or affection from their partner and instead of moving on, decided the way forward was to add more people so that they could get the attention they weren’t getting from the original partner. I met a woman on a dating app a few years ago that was looking for a boyfriend despite having a husband and a boyfriend already. One day she was texting me that she was bored and lonely. Her husband and boyfriend were both in the same room with her but everyone was ignoring each other on their phones. Crazy stuff. I’m sure some people are able to make those situations successful, but it’s gotta be a minority of attempts.

  • TheCriticalMember@aussie.zoneEnglish
    13·
    15 hours ago

    In what way is he your boyfriend? He doesn’t sound like he is. Poly is really hard, and it’s full of shitty people who use it as a justification for being shitty. Sounds like you need to do a whole bunch of work on yourself right now, and it doesn’t really sound like either of your “partners” are good for you.