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MrJameGumb@lemmy.world to Greentext@sh.itjust.works · 2 months ago

Anon needs help to solve the mystery

lemmy.world

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Anon needs help to solve the mystery

lemmy.world

MrJameGumb@lemmy.world to Greentext@sh.itjust.works · 2 months ago
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  • EndofLife@feddit.org
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    2 months ago

    It’s a riddle. It was made of ice.

    • ghostrider2112@lemmy.world
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      2 months ago

      Or chocolate

      • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.zip
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        2 months ago

        … some stay dry, others feel the pain.

        • ghostrider2112@lemmy.world
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          2 months ago

          😂🍫🌧️

        • ne0phyte@feddit.org
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          2 months ago

          I move away from the mic to breathe in

    • Witty Computer@feddit.org
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      2 months ago

      Imagine the frostbite

      • And009@lemmynsfw.com
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        2 months ago

        You mean a freezejob, aka rimfreeze

        • JackFrostNCola@lemmy.world
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          2 months ago

          Their assets were first frozen then liquidated.

  • PhilipTheBucket@ponder.cat
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    2 months ago

    I like how he clarifies that he lives alone.

    “Sure, one of my roommates could have come in and poked around in my butthole while I was sleeping. But no one was in a position to do such a thing.”

    • Cordyceps @sopuli.xyz
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      2 months ago

      Occam’s razor and all that

      • Cordyceps_cereal@lemmynsfw.com
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        2 months ago

        Occam’s buttplug

        • And009@lemmynsfw.com
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          2 months ago

          It’s always in there

    • unconsciousvoidling@sh.itjust.works
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      2 months ago

      Hey I had a roommate that would steal my inserted butt plugs while I was sleeping.

      • Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works
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        2 months ago

        And then what?

        • prenatal_confusion@feddit.org
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          2 months ago

          Subscribe to my only fans to find out more.

  • RVGamer06@sh.itjust.works
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    2 months ago

    Anon needs to go to a hospital soon

    • Acinonyx@lemmy.sdf.org
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      2 months ago

      but sadly, Anon is American

      • DannyBoy@sh.itjust.works
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        2 months ago

        The worst condition of them all.

        • miss_demeanour@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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          2 months ago

          No shit.

          • 404@lemmy.zip
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            2 months ago

            Literally.

            • festnt@sh.itjust.works
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              2 months ago

              for OOP, yes

              • Sunsofold@lemmings.world
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                2 months ago

                Object Oriented Programmers never poop? Interesting.

                • festnt@sh.itjust.works
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                  2 months ago

                  exactly. neither do Online Only People. interestingly, Poop&Online Only People (POOP), even though they are very similar to OOP, do, in fact, poop.

    • caseyweederman@lemmy.ca
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      2 months ago

      Better get an MRI to look for it

      • madjo@feddit.nl
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        2 months ago

        Ouch… We don’t want to kill that anon!

  • 000999@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    2 months ago

    Must have been the wind

    • bollybing@lemmynsfw.com
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      2 months ago

      Maybe just a homeless guy

  • Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee
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    2 months ago

    Buttplug fairy takes the buttplug and leaves you with a shart.

    Know your local mythology.

    • S_H_K@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      Shart Fariy 🧚💩

      • Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee
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        2 months ago

        The more timid subspecies of the feared diarrhea-jet-superpropulsion fairy.

        Some say a mere glance of this fairy can have you leave orbit!

        • S_H_K@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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          2 months ago

          Can we ask that Diarrhea Jet Fairy to visit certain ones?

          • Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee
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            Weaponisation of fecal fairies can lead to aftermaths of unprecedented destruction on all sides leaving the whole plane of existence a shitty mess.

            But, in the interest of exactness, yes, you can def do that, just ask directly. Usually the convo would go something like “Hey, can you pay a special visit to that guy?” - “Why?” - “Why not?” - “Good point, I’m on it!”

            • S_H_K@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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              Well probably someone already asked one. I mean…
              * gestures broadly at the world *

              • Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee
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                There will always be shitty humans asking shitty fairies to additionally enshittify the already pretty shitty world just to shit on someones day a bit more.

                Humans have been great at fighting shit with additional shit, and then wonder tirelessly where all the shit came from.
                And it’s from the shit-fairies!!!

  • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.zip
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    Did it have a flared end?

    If yes:

    It’s in the toilet, he sleep walked and took a shit and doesn’t remember.

    or

    He pooped it out while sleeping and his dog ate it.

    If no:

    Butt plug goblins.

    They can be warded away with a metamucil potion.

    • MTK@lemmy.world
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      Way worse than your dog eating your homework

  • wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    2 months ago

    Mmmm, that’s some fresh greentext too!

    • SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml
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      So fresh it’s still green

    • Mac@mander.xyz
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      2 months ago

      Oh wow. I’ve never seen one this fresh!

      • Fuck spez@sh.itjust.works
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        Funny, that’s the same thing a stray cat said when it found that butt plug.

    • LeninOnAPrayer@lemm.ee
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      Yeah it doesn’t have the remnants of being compressed to .jpg over 1000 times over. Just doesn’t have the same feeling with it though.

    • Rob Bos@lemmy.ca
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      Ambiguous. Could be September 3rd.

      • Echo Dot@feddit.uk
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        2 months ago

        And from the future apparently

        • Rob Bos@lemmy.ca
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          True, I didn’t notice the year. :)

  • Echo Dot@feddit.uk
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    It’s another carbon monoxide poisoning poisoning

  • daggermoon@lemmy.world
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    Do people actually do this?

    • Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works
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      People aren’t buying all those butt plugs for decoration. People fall asleep. I don’t imagine many people sleep with them on purpose, but certaintly possible to pass out with a butt plug in place.

      • daggermoon@lemmy.world
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        Sorry, I thought the implication was that someone intentionally slept with one in. I don’t know how you’d sleep like that.

        • shneancy@lemmy.world
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          falling asleep is the easy part, the hard part is waking up with a sore asshole knowing you need to make it worse to make it better

          • glitchdx@lemmy.world
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            2 months ago

            That’s why hard plugs are for short periods of fun times, and soft plugs are for all day / all night usage.

            Speaking from experience.

            • MissGutsy@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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              Don’t do this too often though! Prolonged dilation (>2 hours) can damage your sphincter and give you incontinence in the long run. Probably not a problem if done rarely, but if it happens regularly it can become a problem

              • glitchdx@lemmy.world
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                Sadly, there’s a lack of formal studies to determine how often is too often. I think “pay attention to your body” is generally good advice. If anything is sore or hurting, it’s probably time to take a break. Kegel exercises also help keep the sphincter from weakening over time, useful advice even for people who aren’t into butt stuff.

          • pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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            I mean, your hole shouldn’t be sore in the morning unless you’re sizing up with a new plug. Especially not with a stereotypical conical thin necked black silicone one. I’ve slept with plugs with a neck diameter of like 1.25" before

        • KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.comBanned
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          wait until you find out about chastity

          • daggermoon@lemmy.world
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            I’m aware of it, though I wish I wasn’t. I’m in to some weird shit but that’s too much for me. I think I’d prefer the butt plug.

            • KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.comBanned
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              fascinating. I would think someone would be more keen to engage in chastity, than penetrables, but to each their own i suppose.

              • daggermoon@lemmy.world
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                It’s too much control or trust to place in another person. Even If I didn’t have trust issues, It’s not something I’d ever be comfortable with. Like you said, to each their own however.

                • KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.comBanned
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                  that’s fair, though nobody said you had to involve other people, that’s just a particularly common and relevant practice. But yes ultimately at the end of the day, it only matters what we care, and don’t care for. I just find it interesting knowing why people care about certain things over others.

    • MrJameGumb@lemmy.worldOP
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      Maybe? This came from 4Chan so it’s very possible it could be entirely made up lol

      • Majorllama@lemmy.worldBanned
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        “The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.”

        Literally on 4chan as a header.

        • licheas@sh.itjust.works
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          also, a statement by Fox News lawyers. (though maybe they used the word “entertainment” instead.)

      • padge@lemmy.zip
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        Anything on 4chan I assume isn’t real, but pretend it is. More fun that way.

      • 🍹Early to RISA 🧉@sh.itjust.worksM
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        4chan makes me believe it more in this case

      • Raiderkev@lemmy.world
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        Made up aaaaand?

        • Feathercrown@lemmy.world
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          Attracted to the same gender

          • LoudWaterHombre@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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            2 months ago

    • trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world
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      I’ve done it before

      • Slovene@feddit.nl
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        And you’ll do it again?

        • trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world
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          It’s not out of the realm of possibility

          • Slovene@feddit.nl
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            2 months ago

            Hyuk

      • samteria@lemm.ee
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        deleted by creator

        • trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world
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          2 months ago

          Women amirite

          • sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works
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            And gay men. Or maybe that’s a 90s thing.

            • trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world
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              I allow some gay men to bear the rank of trash girlfriend

      • daggermoon@lemmy.world
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        May I ask why? No disrespect intended, just trying to understand.

        • trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world
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          Was horny, it’s hot

          • daggermoon@lemmy.world
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            That’s the thing. I’d be horny all night and wouldn’t be able to sleep.

            • trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world
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              Hard not to fall asleep at 4am after that 10 hour goon sesh.

              Mostly joking.

    • pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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      I do yea

    • systemglitch@lemmy.world
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      Mentally ill people perhaps

      • MTK@lemmy.world
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        You sleep with poop inside of you every night, hoping your muscles will save you, we are just being responsible.

      • Iheartcheese@lemmy.world
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        Prude

        • Echo Dot@feddit.uk
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          Gatekeeper

          • sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works
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            Well yeah, that’s literally the point of the plug.

        • systemglitch@lemmy.world
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          If the price of being healthy is being called a prude, I’ll take that for infinity.

  • finitebanjo@lemmy.world
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    Anon will need a plumber because he got up in a daze to use the bathroom.

  • daepicgamerbro69@lemmy.world
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    i rate this greentext fake on scale of 1 to gay

  • deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz
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    2 months ago

    A wizard did it.

    • Acinonyx@lemmy.sdf.org
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      but anon’s a wizard himself

      • goldteeth@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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        and then the doctor says “I can’t operate on this wizard… he’s my son!!”

      • MrJameGumb@lemmy.worldOP
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        Anon is a Butt Wizard I think is what you meant

        • naeap@sopuli.xyz
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          I’m having the perfect T-shirt for him

          Btw: I couldn’t upload the picture to Lemmy directly, as it’s probably too large for my instance limits. But I’m not sure which image sharing platform is still ok to use (after imgur) and I’m even more stuck in how to embed the linked image correctly in a comment, besides just linking to it.
          What’s the correct way to do this?

          Trying to embed the image:
          Butt magic

          • A Wild Mimic appears!@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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            I can recommend https://catbox.moe/

            And images are embedded with

            ![Alt-text](url)
            
            • naeap@sopuli.xyz
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              Thank you very much!

              • A Wild Mimic appears!@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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                Keep the t-shirt artwork flowing!

          • PhilipTheBucket@ponder.cat
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            He needs a laundry hamper.

          • 𞋴𝛂𝛋𝛆@lemmy.world
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            catbox.moe might be an option.

            You might be better off learning to use an app or editing to crop and then swap old image formats to webp in order to get them much smaller. In Linux it usually happens automatically by just renaming the file from something like .jpg to .webp.

            I would have grabbed the image to post it as an example but the postimg host is a mess of a website I don’t let through my firewall (IIRC from the last time I tried). I don’t think they allow direct embedding either, thus the reason their website is such a convoluted mess of junk happening in the background.

            You could sign up on a Pixelfed instance, or self host if interested as that is part of the fediverse.

            The image embedding syntax on Lemmy is ![](image.URL.goes-here)

            • naeap@sopuli.xyz
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              Thanks, maybe it’s my client that’s limited.

              But, Ehm … Regarding the Linux part:
              Just renaming a file shouldn’t convert it to something else - at least Linux isn’t doing that, especially as it doesn’t cares that much about file suffixes.
              So what do you mean, that automatically converts it?
              If you rename something in the terminal, it just gets a different name (which includes the suffix), but that won’t change anything in the data

              What do I miss here?

              Thanks for the pixelfed hint, I just signed up while posting, to have an alternative in the future :⁠-⁠) And especially thanks for the Lemmy markdown formatting to embed an image!
              That one was the thing, I was looking for!

              Edit: and worked perfectly fine the embed the image from postimg - you just need to use the direct image link
              At least it shows fine in the comment on my side now

              • 𞋴𝛂𝛋𝛆@lemmy.world
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                Maybe I installed something or wrote a script that I forgot about (happens cause super sleep deprived from disability, broken neck and back), or maybe it is a fedora thing (I think it is this), but yeah, if I change the suffix it also changes the model file automatically. If it can’t do the change it will tack on the additional suffix. So like if I try to rename image.jpg to image.png, it just does it, but if I rename image.jpg to image.svg it will automatically rename to image.svg.jpg to let me know that it does not work.

                • naeap@sopuli.xyz
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                  Hm…ok, never heard of that - at least not without extra programs

                  Does that also work from the terminal or only inside your file browser?

                  Because, as said, Linux usually doesn’t care that much about suffixes, but much more about the file type in the file header.
                  At least that’s my experience and what I’ve read.

                  But thanks for the info.
                  Not sure, if I’d like to have it though or rather not ;⁠-⁠)

                  Edit: and out of interest, what happens, when you rename it to something “near” like an svg or pdf, or something completely different like a mp3 - or interesting would also be a video format, if you only get a single frame then
                  Thanks, I’ve never heard of that and would really like to know what does it and how it’s coping with things, that aren’t compatible - or are harder to convert

            • KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.comBanned
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              changing the file extension shouldn’t do anything, especially on linux, maybe if you’re using a distro designed to do that. It will just pretend to be a different format, and if it works its pure chance, because file extensions don’t really do anything. I’ve had a lot of jpgs that weren’t actually jpegs and were actually pngs but they were listed as jpg for some reason, shit is just silly.

          • ryedaft@sh.itjust.works
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            2 months ago

            Reminds me of a show I saw in Melbourne.

  • RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    I dunno how exhausted or drunk you’d have to be to pass out with one of those things inserted. Seems like it’d feel like a turd half out and your body would prefer you deal with that and not fall asleep.

    • Pazu900@lemmy.world
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      2 months ago

      Spoken like somebody who’s never used a butt plug

      • RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world
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        2 months ago

        Yeah, that’s why I said “seems like” and not “when I do it (this) happens”.

        You do you.

        • sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works
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          2 months ago

          You should also do you… with a butt plug.

          • RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world
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            2 months ago

            Lol, I appreciate the sentiment.

    • pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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      2 months ago

      Nah good ones are pretty comfy and after a while if you don’t cause it to shift you forget it’s there

      • Pacattack57@lemmy.world
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        2 months ago

        Why are you even wearing one atp if you forget it’s there 🤣

        • SuspiciousCatThing@pawb.social
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          deleted by creator

        • Voroxpete@sh.itjust.works
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          2 months ago

          Because being suddenly reminded that it’s there is the point.

          It’s the unexpected sensations that are the most powerful.

  • Dagnet@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    Was getting in the way of the aliens probing anon

    • answersplease77@lemmy.world
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      2 months ago

      some alien intern thought they forgot their probe in Anon, then when they got to their ship their boss was like “no that’s not for us”

  • 🇰 🌀 🇱 🇦 🇳 🇦 🇰 🇮 @pawb.social
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    2 months ago

    Have you checked for any holes in your wall? Maybe you coughed or sneezed while sleeping.

    • frozenpopsicle@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      2 months ago

      Or if there are multiple holes in the walls shine a laser though the holes to get the butt plug trajectory.

      • Hupf@feddit.org
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        2 months ago

        If there are multiple holes in the wall, find the one that was made for your buttplug.

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