Thank you for sharing this… I like really needed this and opened lemmy in the middle of a really bad depressive episode and this was on top of my feed… Saving this for future me and friends.
I hope you don’t mind me sharing something I’ve learned that I think is truly fascinating and very powerful: If you can recognize your negative “automatic thoughts” and what triggers them, and then argue against them, it gives you incredible power over that kind of dark cloud that can hang over your life.
For example:
"Fuck it, nothing matters and the world is going to shit. Well… what caused me to think that? Could be bad sleep last night, a bad mood from getting in that argument with my friend earlier, too much time on social media reading negative news, and a general sense of exhaustion.
Ok… I might be biased in my thinking about these things without realizing it. If nothing matters, than there’s nothing to worry about. All my fuck ups are… whatever. There’s no way that I’m “supposed to be” that I’m failing at. Nowhere I’m “supposed to go”, which is actually kind of freeing. Actually, looking around I can find plenty of examples of people that think everything is meaningless but still enjoy their lives. They’re are many philosophies addressing this exact problem that I can explore.
There are a lot of bad things in the world… but also I have way more freedom and longer life expectancy than almost everyone else in human history. There are terrible things happening to the environment, but there are also millions and millions of dedicated people protecting the environment, and on the whole humanity has made a lot of progress in how we view that issue in just the last 25 years."
This is just a stream of thought example to demonstrate how it works. It’s very powerful, especially if you write the key points down. It gets much easier after doing it a few times. This is you restructuring your neural networks–its literally changing your mind. It’s eye opening to practice doing this and share it with others.
Next time something triggers these negative automatic thoughts, you’re much more likely to not only recognize that it’s happening, but also have a different way of thinking about it right there waiting for you. A doorway out of this dark loop of sadness.
I don’t know about you but I see the whole acknowledging of the path humanity has taken as a liberation. Do what you want. Don’t worry about the future. The now is what matters. Keep doing what you need to enjoy the now and stop caring about things that are just meant to be. Things are just following their natural course and honestly we’ve had a remarkably long run lol!
I’m so glad it helped you too!
See, the way I see it is that my concerns have mostly if not always been correct. Most people might not be as observant and able to deduct consequences but I have the unfortunate ability to know exactly how something is going to pan out and when I can’t control the catalyst it causes me to have to come up with damage control methods. Don’t pretend like everything is ok. Your house needs constant maintenance or it could be costly or even dangerous, pets need constant observation to catch things early, not having a gas detector when you own a gas stove is idiotic and you should always be ready in case of the very likely such as break ins, electrical fires, broken pipes, and yes… car catching on fire. I told my SO the car smelled like gas, he said I was being paranoid. I was the only one who detected the gas being left on in a kitchen full of people. Most people don’t pay attention and leave you to have to be always on alert. Every time I just let it go or think to myself it’s nothing it ends up being something I could have prevented. I learned to listen to that anxiety and do something.
Thanks, I was just caught in an anxious loop and this helped a ton.
I’m so glad! I get really caught up in What Ifs and I was surprised how effective this is.
I had a boss who thought “but what if it all works out.”
It didn’t.
What if it works out? Then I’ll have a lot of work to do to keep it working. What if I’m not good enough to keep it working and I turn it into a failure?
Everything eventually breaks down or dies and there’s nothing anyone can do to prevent that indefinitely. It only ever needs to work long enough to be useful. Don’t let perfection be the enemy of good enough.
I’d say that’s part of the fun of it all! How boring would it be to just always succeed? And how much pressure has to continually grow to never make an error? Nah, I say let’s try things and fuck up…or succeed! And then run with it as far as it goes, fall down, and see if we can run farther next time.
The race may never end, but I still like running it!
What if you are good enough and you do pull it off?
What if your new fix if it goes wrong reinvents your system. Gen 1 always has something. What if that little patch you’re thinking of is the right patch.
I’ve found that interrupting awful and anxious thoughts out loud and making positive corrections is extremely helpful.
Legitimately, I’ve called out in my house “Shut the fuck up! That’s so stupid, [that terrible thing] isn’t going to happen. I’ve got people who love and care about me, so shut your damn mouth!”
Treat yourself like a friend and shut down the bullies, especially if those bullies are your own thoughts, because you deserve to be defended from things that aren’t true.
I actually do something similar. I often stop intrusive thoughts by saying “stop” to myself under my breath or if im alone, more out loud. Or i tell my brain to stfu. Happy to hear im not the only one lol.
Upvoting for unapolegtic and correct use of “whom”
Commenting so somebody will get upset I grammared too good and respond how it’s “no longer necessary”
I grammared too good
… You did grammared real good. It’s no longer necessary!
The issue with grammar posting isn’t that it’s not longer necessary, it’s that you’re being a boring dolt talking about even more trivial bullshit than the usual social media stuff!
begins reeling
I GOT ONE!
did you? you sounded like you were preempting a different criticism. and a fucking stupid one, too.
random emote with self-declaration of victory
I did it!
I won’t set myself up for disappointment by giving myself hope. Rather be realistic
Rather be pessimistic and be surprised when I’m wrong … spoiler never …
Exactly.
deleted by creator
It literally has taken me 20 years to develop this skill. I knew I was stubborn, but damn!
Sometimes I have to tell myself: Right now, you are doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing.
What if a super model asks me out?
Nope doesn’t work…
J/k
Are you free tomorrow?
Asks the average bearded guy (average as a Lemmy user) 😉
Guilty as charged but that doesn’t answer my question
because most of my anxiety comes from uncertainty. having to prepare for success or fail is exhausting and scary
For neurotypical people, that advice is really good and useful. For neurodivergent people, that advice has the same value as a turd.
Thanks, I really needed to see this right now
Today, I got a rock in my car AC condenser that will either cost 2000$ or a 500$ deductible and increased insurance premiums. Either way, I am fortunate enough to have an emergency fund that easily covered the deductible. I’m not in trouble and I’m safe. I go to sleep tonight with a calmer heart knowing I secured the best outcome out of a bad situation. All it took to ease my woes is for my friend to remind me: “I’ve done the best job I could have done.” I’ll be carrying that for a while.
Everything is going to be ok. It is going to be ok because I’ll be trying my best the entire way through. I know you will try the same too.
For me personally, this makes me more anxious. As it gives me an incentive to do more than I already do, while I’m already hanging by a thread trying to give what I can. If I’ve done even more of my best and still fail, I feel worse.
As at that point I know for sure that I’m not in control as I can’t change things even when I do everything I can.
For those like me, I try to lower my expectations. If things work out better than expected, that’s still with me on only 100% instead of 130%. If things go south, I just wasn’t giving it my all, I’m still in control.
