Your way of doing things is now how things must be done. Extra points for petty and minor stuff.
- Anything more than hushed conversation is banned on public transit (exceptions for children too little to be able to control it, developmentally disabled, etc.). You may answer the phone, quietly, to tell the person you cannot talk right this second and will phone them back from the next station
- Everywhere is accessible to the blind, those in wheelchairs, on crutches, etc.
- You will grow some of your own food as your space allows. If you have a tiny flat with one window? Grow some herbs or chives or something? Gotta big lawn? Now you have a garden. Those with small children will be left some room for them to play.
- Everyone wanting a driving license must drive a giant, slow truck and a small motorbike for several weeks. The tests everywhere in the US get harder and more demanding.
- You must use public transport in any case it is possible and practical (i.e I don’t expect you to try to take your haul from Ikea back on a train).
- You will generally only eat two meals a day and no more gluten (sorry; I didn’t want to inflict this on you nor did I want the gluten restriction on myself, but this is the only way my body works somewhat properly).
- Your mind’s eye and any audible inner monologue are now gone. It’s fine; enjoy the imagination and peace.
- You must live somewhere on roughly the other side of the planet from where you grew up (again, sorry to force you)
- You must live in at least one foreign country for no less than 3 months outside of a foreigner community and learn the language and culture (not at all sorry about this one).
- You must be in pain a lot of the time without docs being able to find anything useful. You must also have anxiety, ADHD, probable ASD, and overthink many things.
I tried to answer the actual question rather than how I think things should be. I’m sure I’m missing something about my life. I guess you’d all have to work as software engineers who run a small farm most of the year, strictly speaking.
Fork in the strong hand, knife in the other.
No timezones. Only UTC or Zulu time. Also no daylight savings, it’s just fucking stupid.
That really kinda shifts a problem. I can generally guess that at 10am whateverTime a business is going to be open or people are going to be awake to time my communications. This adds a step of having to look up … I guess the current daylight hours and/or normal business hours first? Who would maintain such a database?
Same people who’s maintaining it today. We need to look up business hours anyway on top of looking up time zones. E.g. business hours in Denmark is usually 8-16 while in UK it is usually 9-17. Here there’s furthermore differences at the usual company. IMO you’re inconsiderate if you start planning meetings without taking the business hours of the recipients into account (which means all our UK enployess are inconsiderate jerks on this topic, calling me in for meetings until 18:00…)
So instead of looking up the time zone difference and the cultural business hours of a company in Australia, I can just see that they open after my lunch.
What is everyone doing wrong?
Failing to even try to understand the fact that nuance touches everything in between the margins of the less complicated and oft-overused black-and-white polarization of damn near everything under the sun.
Wrong: cleaning ass only with toiler paper.
Right: Using a bidet after pooping.
Your asses will thank me.
Top tier: use both
Roommates toothbrush.
True that. Best to nuke it from orbit, just to be sure.
Secret sauce: Do the drying with the hair dryer on mid heat.
I like to use an old-school badger hair shaving brush.
I’ve read somewhere that blowing air in a vagina is super dangerous so I’m a little bit hesitant to put a blow dryer near my asshole but it does sound… Oddly comfortable
Blowing directly into, yes; however, if it’s an indirect yet concentrated breeze isn’t it moreso increasing the odds for vaginal flatulence?
Personally I wouldn’t mind a queef or two if it meant a guarantee that my butt’s clean lmao
I don’t have a hair dryer but some bidets do have a dry setting that blows hot air
I can imagine it being comfortable once but then I’m imagining dry chapped skin where you least want it
pulling apart the bacon piece by piece to fry it.
listen, you can just stick the whole brick of it into the pan, the heat from the skillet makes the bacon slices separate. you can cook the whole thing at once.
No one has any pubes any more.
Fucking thank you
Bananas are only be opened from the seed side. Heretics who open the stem side will be mummified in banana strings after being purged so that they will be reminded of their hubris eternally.
what about those of us who snap them in half?
You already know you’re a freak. Let that flag fly brother.
I can’t say it without getting my comment removed for inciting violence.
Pretty much. Only a more broad scale.
Okay let’s say it
Everyone has to work at least a day as a front facing customer service.
ALL public officers elected or not are now chosen by sortition. That’s right baby, we are bringing Athenian democracy back. At least for a while
People can now express without fear of offending others as now they have self awareness to know that others can also think different as them (the P zombies will appreciate this one)
FF 20 years
The whole of humanity is now shareholder of a giant corporation managing the full resources of the Earth-Moon system
As a shareholder, everyone is taken care off, and basic needs are always available. You have been now guaranteed your needs for life, opening up for you to enjoy your freedom.
We start developing a solar collector array using Mercury as a resource stockpile
FF 30 years, we have finished the solar array. The Dyson sphere goes online. We spread during the next 6 hours a salvo of about 200 million self replicating probes through the interstellar space of our Galaxy and beyond it
These probes have everything needed to jump start the process again in other solar systems
If we are lucky, we might have our vector states inside those probes so we will have achieved functional immortality
I guess everyone is a lefty now.
Everyone picks up a new random hobby every few months, spirals into self hatred about not being amazing at it with no practice or research, and adds another box of crap to the closet.
No change for me
The right way to hold wasd while gaming is now the same as when typing. It’s objectively worse but I can’t change now.
I press left modifier keys, primarily Ctrl, with the heel of my hand. Anyone who notices me do this calls me an abomination, but it just seems more efficient to me.
I think I hold WASD the same way no matter what I’m doing, but I’ve never examined it before.
On a related note. 3 button foot switch for PC.
To what end?
Well my ring finger is on w, pinky for A and Shift. I always rebind Ctrl and usually crouch with C.
I think heel of hand is better because I can’t sprint and move left at the same time lol
Ranch’s a condiment , not salad dressing
Ranch is the sixth mother sauce.
Wait you don’t put salad on your ranch?
Toilet paper forever more goes under. Suck it.
This is the coping mechanism for the people whose cats like to fuck with tp rolls. I can’t go back now
For me it was because I was living in an apartment where the heat register was directly beneath the toilet paper dispenser, and so in wintertime when the furnace was running, if the TP was over it would flap around like one of the wacky inflatable tube guys you see at car dealerships. I started putting it under at that point and the habit just stuck.
But yeah, cats is absolutely the most common reason. Toddlers as well…dumb ones anyway. The smart ones figure it out regardless.
Chaotic Evil, aren’t you?
Some men just want to watch the world burn…
