Tldr: my wife and I get into verbal fights quite often (once a month or so) I get over it in an hour and it takes her days. Both of us think that the other’s timeline isn’t normal. What’s typical/normal?
I’m ADHD (my current therapist thinks it’s AuDHD) so I’m prone to emotional deregulation and pretty crazy mood swings. I’m pretty sure my parents are somehow ND as well so I don’t have the best basis. My wife is also ND, but it’s audio processing not emotionally related
My wife and I get into fights and arguments sometimes over petty stuff. I feel I hear her out but it’s difficult for her to listen to me straight through as I tend to take a while to get to my point. She interrupts me a lot with either snide comments or questions that if she just waited a sec I’d answer. This leads me to getting frustrated and raising my voice and yelling, which gets her pissed off and raises her voice and suddenly we’re in a shouting match.
Eventually one of us gives up or realizes they’re wrong and we end the fight and go to our separate (safe) areas.
After about an hour I feel I’m back to normal and can talk about other things. (We usually have something we need to do with our kids or work or the house that we need to communicate on).
My wife feels it takes her a day or two to come down from a fight so shes very short with me until that time, where I feel I can talk after an hour or so… She feels that it’s not normal to change in that short of time.
What do people think?
It really depends on the specifics of the fight and the person (neurotypical or not). Perhaps some couple counselling with a professional would be helpful to understand each other better?
I think this truly depends on the person and the subject, and that this person is correct. But regardless both sides will have a blurred view to the other side. So if you’re asking a neurotypical person about something pertaining to a neurodivergent individual (which is a super wide gamut) they could make some generalizations. But in the end, that’s all they are. And vice versa. Because I know there’s no world under this sun that I will ever truly “get” what being “normal” is like.
On the other hand, I can tell you from my own personal experience that I am a passionate individual. Spicy if you will. My partner and I share a diagnosis. I can get over anything as long as you’re not “pissing in my mouth” pretty easily. She, who was raised with considerably more wealth and on a different coast (US) will take any statement as a personal affront. I will think about what someone is saying, and figure out if it’s justified - pertains to me - etc. Yada, yada, yada! But you piss in my mouth, and I will curse you to the grave. So you know, it’s just a difference in thinking and perhaps even *shock* - coping skills!
That’s all to say - in my first comment here, that I agree with this person =P!
I also don’t agree with the person down there who says it comes down to gender - cause both our asses are women. So I think it’s more a personality thing. Also I’ve seen more men blow the f*ck up over nothing than women in my lifetime. Of course, thanks to social media, burnout, and a healthy dose of insecurities that’s changing with time.