Doomscrolling to my birth year, and still no jet pack.

“luk, hoomans has gives us a food hatch!”

Plunging toward oblivion while happily screaming, “10,000’ so far so good, 5,000’ so far so good…”

Live, from Chicago’s famous Studebaker Theater, I’m Herringbone Winehouse sitting in for Peter Sagal on Wait Wait, Don’t Tell Me. Today’s guests have all been rounded up by ICE, so Bill Kurtis and I will exchange obscure yet witty barbs while a sad trumpet plays a downtempo version of the Wait Wait theme in a minor key.

Librarians are pretty chill, unless you’re a loud talker hehe

The way the tissue regenerated was miraculous, wasn’t it? No ragged gaps, no scar tissue…

AI would give you the finger if it could draw one.

Hmm, that requires Deep Thought.

Jesus saves, Satan invests.

“Sometimes, a balloon knot is just a balloon knot.” Emrys Freud, Sigmund’s duller brother.

Psst, covfe.fe is available. Pass it on.

Ah yes, good old dependency.

On October 18, 2016, less than a month before the Presidential election, FBI head James Comey decided to reopen the Buttery Males investigation. Male or female, that maneuver blew the campaign out of the water. If Trump learned anything from Roy Cohn, it was to win at any cost. https://youtu.be/mYMA3-ET4Ow?t=113 (I’m new, if YT links to PBS content aren’t permitted I’ll take it down)

Was he ever cognitively there?

If it were not for his mental decline, he would not have gained the populist support of so many uneducated or uninformed people. Back when Trump was young and sharp the average New Yorker couldn’t stand him.

Years ago he was smart, fast, crooked, and completely devoid of ethics or morals. He has an instinct for self-preservation equaled only by New York City’s most vicious, flesh-eating rats. Those traits were imparted by a ruthless father and honed by a cold-blooded mentor.

But time has the final word, and J. D. Vance is waiting in the wings like a pudgy undertaker with a bereaved expression on his face and a twinkle in his eye.

Just suckers, like an octopus.

When he shook Chief Justice Roberts’ hand and said “Thank you,” after the State of the Union address, it felt more like a “Great job, here’s your severance check, bu-bye now” kind of Thank You than a gesture of gratitude.

Wait, you mean The Commercial on the White House lawn back in March didn’t move more units?! surprisedpikachuface.jpg

Note to self: Face-eating leopards nearly always arrive hungry.

He’s moving the FBI to Kash accounting.

My sympathies exactly, my dear fellow.

Best regards,

A Temporarily Embarrassed Millionaire