Turns out I failed that homework assignment because the answer was “your mom”. I should have clarified that I am going to school for a masters degree in butt cumming.

I got cum in the charging port and now it only charges if I put the usb-c connector in the right side up instead of any side up. Also cum started oozing out where the camera is.

uuh. I tried but I got my dick stuck in a fan. I have no idea how this happened honest.

How do I convince f*males to send me more dickpics tho?

It wouldn’t HAVE to be endless suffering if it wasn’t for the majority of people living their lives for reasons besides than to be happy.

Making society and life in general more difficult just because “it brings us closer to God” is the wrong way to run things and always has been.

Fuck yeah this is how cum will win 🍆💦💦💦

I didn’t have to poop so a waited until the next day, pooped out more shit and then wiped it with poop. Now my phone has multiple layers of poop on it. I cummed on it though so its ok because cum won, but now I have to explain this to people who see me using my phone in public.

Turns out it was actually and indeed up inside my asshole. Thanks for the help!

wow I’ll take a gram of whatever that was

“stop being such an asshole” may have been the nicest thing anyone irl has said to me in a while

One time I accidentally fell dick-first into your mom and got stuck. I tried to get up but her gravitational pull was so great that it kept pulling me right back in. After several attempts to get unstuck, the thrusting motion accidentally made me cum in her and I couldn’t stop cumming so it was like a waterhose filled with cum and it kept spewing everywhere. The cum then started cumming out faster and before I knew it I was being launched into the stratosphere.

Cum won.

this is how cum will win

The Ohio Supreme Court ruled that boneless chicken tenders are allowed to have bones in them. Boneless chicken tenders are usually an absolute S-tier food but they become F tier if I have to actually deal with the fucking bones. Fuck Ohio.

Litigation via anus is gay regardless of which genders are involved. This detail however is only relevant for tax filing purposes.

If your weekend plans consisted of pooping and cumming a lot you can still do that, just give it to me after you’re done playing with it.

only if you cum in my butt since cum WINS

it all makes sense now. That’s why there are so many train accidents where they crash into vehicles crossing the road. I was always taught growing up that we are supposed to place vehicles on railroad crossings to offer them up as a sacrifice to the train gods because if you please the gods by making the right offering it lowers egg prices.

What if you go to space and it turns out Ohio is just a giant cock?

It’s all cock?

pulls gun always has been

cum wins

You must be in the penis upper class.

Must be nice living somewhere that you can afford to get foreign obstructions removed from your asshole every other weekend along with a complimentary blowjob.