I’m 37, and just got diagnosed at the beginning of this month, actually. I’ve never been quite “right” in social situations, and had “odd” interests and sensitivities. My dad is probably autistic but no one’s ever officially diagnosed him and he’d call it bullshit even if a professional said it.
My mother was a special education teacher, and she saw my stimming and sensory issues and decreed them to be a problem because I’d never be “normal” (and I use the term loosely). “You’re so smart! You can’t have any issue with anxiety! Lights are that bright for everyone, and no one else complains! Figure it out!”
Almost exactly a year ago I came across a TikTok channel talking about masking and how it can be stressful. The points she made about how autism presents differently in women struck a chord with me so I started doing research. So many issues and experiences I’d had just matched everything I was finding about very high functioning autism, and I asked about it. My therapist had said I have “autistic traits”, but trauma can also present in some of the same ways (and hoo boy is there trauma in my background). She suggested I meet with a neuropsych specialist in her office and get tested.
When I met with the doctor post-testing, she said that the tests confirmed my suspicions, but also that some of my mannerisms were textbook autism. Apparently looking away from someone while putting together a sentence isn’t me being rude, after all!
I still don’t know how I feel about the diagnosis. I’m working through a lot with my therapist under a different lens now seeing that a lot of things could have been explained if I had gotten diagnosed earlier. The big plus is that I am able to get accommodations at my job for things like light sensitivity and overstimulation now that I have an official diagnosis and letter.
My mother was a special education teacher, and she saw my stimming and sensory issues and decreed them to be a problem because I’d never be “normal” (and I use the term loosely). “You’re so smart! You can’t have any issue with anxiety! Lights are that bright for everyone, and no one else complains! Figure it out!”
I was in special ed and the teachers were like that there too. It’s so frustrating how the people with the most power over autistic people’s lives are so often the people who understand us the least.
The neuropsych doctor I was tested by told me that she had been a special education teacher herself, and that during the 70s-90s (and probably even now tbh) there was a heavy emphasis on making students act “acceptably” by stopping them from making larger stim motions and that now they realize it’s a bad idea. It sucks.
And that’s the whole ideology of ABA, to get rid of certain behaviors as if the reason people were doing those behaviors was simply because they couldn’t understand that they shouldn’t do them. Stimming isn’t just pointless disruption, it’s an important tool for self-regulation. Limited speaking isn’t just a refusal to communicate, it’s an actual difficulty with the medium of spoken word. Beating these traits out of people, either figuratively or literally, doesn’t solve the underlying issues that affect their internal experience and their happiness.
Sorry for ranting at you, I just get so mad about this topic.
I’m 37, and just got diagnosed at the beginning of this month, actually. I’ve never been quite “right” in social situations, and had “odd” interests and sensitivities. My dad is probably autistic but no one’s ever officially diagnosed him and he’d call it bullshit even if a professional said it.
My mother was a special education teacher, and she saw my stimming and sensory issues and decreed them to be a problem because I’d never be “normal” (and I use the term loosely). “You’re so smart! You can’t have any issue with anxiety! Lights are that bright for everyone, and no one else complains! Figure it out!”
Almost exactly a year ago I came across a TikTok channel talking about masking and how it can be stressful. The points she made about how autism presents differently in women struck a chord with me so I started doing research. So many issues and experiences I’d had just matched everything I was finding about very high functioning autism, and I asked about it. My therapist had said I have “autistic traits”, but trauma can also present in some of the same ways (and hoo boy is there trauma in my background). She suggested I meet with a neuropsych specialist in her office and get tested.
When I met with the doctor post-testing, she said that the tests confirmed my suspicions, but also that some of my mannerisms were textbook autism. Apparently looking away from someone while putting together a sentence isn’t me being rude, after all!
I still don’t know how I feel about the diagnosis. I’m working through a lot with my therapist under a different lens now seeing that a lot of things could have been explained if I had gotten diagnosed earlier. The big plus is that I am able to get accommodations at my job for things like light sensitivity and overstimulation now that I have an official diagnosis and letter.
I was in special ed and the teachers were like that there too. It’s so frustrating how the people with the most power over autistic people’s lives are so often the people who understand us the least.
The neuropsych doctor I was tested by told me that she had been a special education teacher herself, and that during the 70s-90s (and probably even now tbh) there was a heavy emphasis on making students act “acceptably” by stopping them from making larger stim motions and that now they realize it’s a bad idea. It sucks.
And that’s the whole ideology of ABA, to get rid of certain behaviors as if the reason people were doing those behaviors was simply because they couldn’t understand that they shouldn’t do them. Stimming isn’t just pointless disruption, it’s an important tool for self-regulation. Limited speaking isn’t just a refusal to communicate, it’s an actual difficulty with the medium of spoken word. Beating these traits out of people, either figuratively or literally, doesn’t solve the underlying issues that affect their internal experience and their happiness.
Sorry for ranting at you, I just get so mad about this topic.
Please don’t be sorry! I don’t know much about it but everything I learn makes me so angry.