No way, especially not in the past ~4 years. There is only one ex that I consider, and she’s specifically on my to don’t list because it will end in disaster. But damnnn, she’s on the list for a reason. She wasn’t particularly gorgeous, sweet, caring,… particularly anything except physical intimacy.

The best description I can give is to imagine if before we are born, we all are given a certain amount of points that we can spend on building our character. Our souls can spread points on a spectrum of traits: intelligence, speed, love, charisma, agility, physical beauty, openness, fine motor skills, music production, etc. Al “Tico” Einstein dropped a majority on intelligence. Leo The Vinchi put a bunch on ingenuity and painting. Great Alex put a bunch on military strategy. This girl, my ex, put a few on looks, a few on being annoying, and dumped the rest on sex. She then used a cheat code to get more points and put those on sex too.

Tho she is quite skilled with certain intimate behaviors, she doesn’t do any one thing mind-blowingly well. Her strengths are her attitude, disposition, and desire paired with a body physically fit enough to actualize them. It’s like imagine your favorite adult actress, but she’s not acting. She is really like that all the time. She could be mad, sleepy, hot, hungry, whatever, it doesn’t matter. You could be in the outside pool of some hotel in downtown Tampa during a lightning storm while she is in the middle of one those passionate borderline PD fights with you where you are seriously asking the universe, “Wtf is happeningggg‽😫” It.doesn’t.matter. She will flip like a switch and be ready to go Riley-Ried-on-ecstasy wild. That’s what this girl is like.

She’s kind of ruined sex for me since I keep pointlessly comparing everyone else to her. It’s like having a Ferrari for a while, then going back to regular cars. Most of the time you get an Accord, sometimes a Carolla, and when lucky, you get a Nissan Z. Sometimes you get a Mustang, and you can slowly mod it to ride better than the Z. They’re all cool and get you there, but no matter what, it’ll never be anything like the Ferrari. Even when you’re with the Nissan Z and you open the throttle wide, you’ll still wish it rode like the Ferrari.

Despite that, I still don’t engage (even tho she hits me up ~once/6 months) because all the points she dumped on sex left no points for sanity. She is crazy. Call-the-cops crazy. Use-furniture-to-barricade-yourself-in-a-room crazy. Flinch-when-you-hear-her-open-a-door-followed-by-her-foot-steps crazy. That’s why I have her on the to don’t list. So yeah, I’m prolly going to capitulate sometime soon and meet up with her to “catch up”.