• DrZoidberg@sh.itjust.works
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        1 year ago

        I’d pay 3 times the amount of a regular ticket to watch the scene where Terry Crews, in a gorgeous ball gown, is dancing with Prince Charming, and when realizing it’s almost midnight, flexes his pecs, and yells goodbye before disappearing into the night.

        Prince Charming then goes around trying to find the perfect pec flex. Alternatively, bicep circumference would also be acceptable as a glass slipper alternative.

        • OberonSwanson@sh.itjust.works
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          1 year ago

          Wrong movie plot, but I would seriously watch the fuck out of this.

          Edit: Get Andy Samberg as the prince and I will fight outside the theatre in a ball gown.

          • thefartographer@lemm.ee
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            1 year ago

            I’m not sure that threatening to fight Andy Samberg is the best way to sign him into a movie. Then again, I don’t know the guy…

        • DragonTypeWyvern@literature.cafe
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          1 year ago

          How about this: Prince Charming tries to kiss the sleeping Snow White, but she wakes up and beats the hell out of him then lectures him on consent.

          • erogenouswarzone@lemmy.ml
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            1 year ago

            I’d watch that. But there should be a really good musical number called “Everything is rape without consent” or something… It probably wouldn’t be appropriate for the target audience, but yes I agree with the point you’re making: Snow White & Cinderella are way fucked.

        • SpeakinTelnet@sh.itjust.works
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          1 year ago

          Cinderella would be the prince going around with barbells trying to find the princess (Terry) who can lift them. Only he can carry the prince down the aisle.

  • Hellsadvocate@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs: A Terry Crews Rendition

    Scene 1: Snow White’s Introduction

    Snow White (Terry Crews) is introduced as a charismatic and strong character, loved by all animals in the forest. He’s strong but gentle, charming, and not afraid to show his emotional side. He sings to the animals with a deep, booming voice, a hilarious contrast to the original character’s high-pitched singing.

    Snow White: (singing in deep voice) “I’m wishing, (I’m wishing) for the one I love, to find me, (to find me) today…”

    Scene 2: Meeting the Huntsman

    The Queen orders the Huntsman to bring back Snow White’s heart. However, the Huntsman cannot bring himself to harm Snow White, who’s flexing his muscles and humming a cheerful tune.

    Huntsman: “I… I can’t do it. Forgive me, Snow White.”

    Snow White: (flexing) “No worries, man. Everyone has a hard time dealing with these guns.”

    Scene 3: Discovering the Cottage

    Upon discovering the dwarfs’ cottage, Snow White starts cleaning. However, instead of the delicate tidying of the original, Terry Crews’ Snow White lifts heavy furniture single-handedly and dusts with a peacock feather duster, all while maintaining a contagious cheerfulness.

    Snow White: “Well, this place needs a little muscle love. Let’s get to it!”

    Scene 4: Meeting the Dwarfs

    Snow White wins over the dwarfs with his charm and kindness. His interactions with the dwarfs are playful and endearing, unlike the traditional motherly role of the original Snow White.

    Snow White: “You guys could use some protein in your diet. What do you say, tomorrow we start the day with a proper workout and a protein shake?”

    Scene 5: The Poison Apple

    When the Queen, disguised as an old woman, offers Snow White the poisoned apple, Snow White is hesitant but doesn’t want to be rude. He takes a bite and collapses in a dramatic, comedic fashion.

    Snow White: “An apple a day keeps the doctor away, right? But just to be sure… (flexes arm)…proteins are better.”

    Scene 6: The Prince’s Kiss

    When the Prince arrives to awaken Snow White, he’s taken aback by Snow White’s size. However, he’s determined to break the spell. The moment is played for laughs, with the Prince struggling to lean over Snow White.

    Prince: “I… I’ve come to break the spell…”

    Snow White (waking up): “Did I hit the snooze button again?”

    • Balthazar@sopuli.xyz
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      1 year ago

      I fucking love you, and you are the reason why I love the internet and trust humanity somewhat. This is absolute internet GOLD!

  • Diabolo96@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    1 year ago

    Man. I don’t watch much movies but I’d watch this 10 times in row. If it’s a comedy or better…a serious comedy. The acting is serious but everything else isn’t.

  • ∟⊔⊤∦∣≶@lemmy.nz
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    1 year ago

    I’m only watching if it’s 100% serious. Terry acts as he acts and the entire rest of the movie is as written in the script. Full commit, no comedic rewriting. It’s just Terry playing Snow White.

    • erogenouswarzone@lemmy.ml
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      1 year ago

      Here’s some others I’d be totally stoked about:

      • Eric Andre (he really needs a breakout role)
      • Leslie Jones
      • Eddie Murphy
      • RuPaul
      • Charming Taintman

      Edit: Fucking Terry Crews for both roles!

  • I Cast Fist@programming.dev
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    1 year ago

    I wonder how the evil queen would dupe Terry Fucking Crews into eating a poisoned apple. I can only imagine her failing a number of times thanks to his dancing pecs

  • Roundcat@kbin.social
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    1 year ago

    I mean if they’re going to remake a movie, they should go out of their way to make it as different as possible. I for one would love to see the direction of a film with this casting goes.

    • Neato@kbin.social
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      1 year ago

      I’d like to see a comedy where the Snow White story is playing out but the dwarves and woodland beings all choose Terry Crews. He’s like, “Nah guys. I’m a carpenter. I think you’ve got the wrong person.”. But they aren’t hearing it and strongarm Terry into the role. The evil queen is the only other person to get it and they have to team to to fix the story.

      • erogenouswarzone@lemmy.ml
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        1 year ago

        I’d really like to see something where there is no explanation at all. Terry Crews is just Snow White.

        Maybe Seth Rogan and a bunch of stoners are the dwarves.

        No explanation at all, just as if it were a woman playing the roll.

  • LostDeer@infosec.pub
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    1 year ago

    And just like regular democracy, the owners will show up last second to put their finger on the scale 😞

  • Lazerbeams2@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    For the one that looks most right, Gal Gadot is probably the best from this list. For the movie I’m most likely to watch? The Terry Crews version would be worth it even if it sucks