I’m kind of in the same boat. In my 30’s. I feel like I spent half of my adult life looking for work instead of actually working.

I kind of hit a breaking point when I realized I was playing someone else’s (figurative) game; this person (figuratively) held all the cards and I lost each and every time.

So I stopped playing their game. I’ve found I’m very good at coming across as disarming. Once people meet me face-to-face (even over a video call or phone call) any preconceived notions they had go out the window and I have the opportunity to flip the power dynamic because I earn their trust quickly.

So recently I decided to build my own chess board (again, figuratively). I stopped applying for jobs. Instead, I focused on connecting with people first. So then I applied for work only as a housekeeping step once the employer/client and I are in agreement that I’ll be on board for a certain position or role. Obviously in 99% of cases organizations don’t like this. They want to funnel me into a system. Well, sucks for them. If they set aside their corporate ego and start a conversation I’d be able to help them.

I hope this perspective helps.

I’m a man, so I’m sure as a woman you’re going to come against a lot of backlash as far as appearing too aggressive. I’d actually see this as a good thing since it means you’re standing on your own and not taking s***t.

My advice, for what it’s worth…pay attention to what’s causing the anxiety. You have the power to change it, but (as a fellow neurodivergent) you might have to step on some toes to do so (correction–you will have to step on some toes). Keep steadying on!