Former relationship and sexual therapist here. (Disclaimer: Not your therapist, haven’t practiced in 15 years and my post graduation practice experience is limited)

First and foremost: My view is very “Western” - a central European one to be more exact. I intentionally do not try to include cultural differences here as I simply can’t get that right & would find it offensive to only get that “50% correct”.

Just a few thoughts:

• The age gap between you two is 13 years. That is far from insanely high. While generally the life situations and life experiences tend to differ more massively from 15 years difference and above it’s not a thing that stands in a way of a loving and meaningful relationship. I would not recommend to rule out partners just by an age difference (of course with the caveat of everyone being a mature adult but that doesn’t apply to your situation here)

• I personally hate the notion of categorising meeting a partner into “dates”. For example: I had colleagues that met every day for a coffee break for a year, went to lunch (always with other people present) for ages and then moved in together. Formally they never were on a date. (Nowadays they are married with children) So personally I wouldn’t worry if it is a date or not. (But if you force me to decide I would consider it one)

• To be honest: The way you describe what you said raises a lot of red flags towards a potential partner - please try to see the same conversation with switched roles: Imagine you want to meet someone and get to know them. Then they tell you right away they “need” someone they can marry in a short time and want a lot of kids. While I am all for telling people about life plans early on it is something different on a first encounter and can often be perceived negatively.

• That he does not feel ready to get married is more understandable from my point of view - it’s often hard for some people to imagine themselves in a marriage/commitment when they don’t know the other side of the “contract” yet. I sometimes used the analogy of buying a car: “Imagine signing a contract to buy a car. Some people need to see the exact car they are gonna buy in front of them. Others are happy to buy it from the dealers catalogue.”

• I think mentally"checking" boxes is an issue here: Don’t get me wrong, it’s something I have often encountered, especially in wZoman. People often tend to “paint a picture” of their dream partnership inside their head, often from a very young age, often influenced by media, stereotypes and cultural norms. (In women in western cultures it often “had to be” the partner who makes himself “worthy” by a grand romantic gesture, etc.) This often leads to people mentally checking “boxes” - a trend you often can observe on social media. We all know the stereotypical “needs to be over x cm, has to earn at least x, etc.” posts - and is something that is somewhat more prevalent in professionals with a high qualification m, but unlike the classical Social media meme these tend to do it in a more subconscious way. To give you another example: I once had a client who met a man at a social work gathering and ended up in an “occasional” casual sex situation with him. She was devastated at some point - the guy was according to her fantastic in bed, really nice and caring, had a stable social life and very obviously liked her a lot and would have loved to take things further. But she had the criteria “none from the same field as mine” and “none shorter than me” in her head and pushed him away so often that it ruined what they had.

• Generally: Life plans change. Fast. Incredibly fast. And you will be constantly reorganising your life plans all your life,I promise. Because we simply don’t know how things turn out. Imagine the following:You keep on meeting, because two months are two months. He turns out to be “the love of your life”(professionally I have to add that this doesn’t exist - we can find multiple love of our lives, even at the same time). Would you reconsider moving then? Or maybe he would reconsider moving? Or maybe you would keep things alive with a long distance relationship while you make things work in a totally different location?

• In terms of sexuality: As written above, this is from a Central European point of view, but: There is a mountain of scientific evidence that “waiting for marriage/the “marriage ready” long term partner to initiate sexual activity” is a bad idea - for woman. Why? There are multiple reasons: Sexuality is a very primal activity. We all know the countless reports of women who are not getting the attention and care they deserve in bed from their partners - and often the same partner is “loving” outside sexual activity. But: Besides that being literally unsatisfying and building resentment, there is also some evidence that these unbalanced relationships tend to become “unbalanced” outside the bedroom as well over time. Basically the “bedroom” infects the rest of the “house”. Furthermore sexual activity must (and this is an underlined must) be compatible. Every human has a scale of sexual needs that is somewhere between 0 and infinity. While it’s often the easiest for couples that have roughly the same amount of sexual needs and enjoy similar activities these positions change over time - life finds a way (especially with children) to fuck with hormons,minds,etc. But a successful relationship must find a way to deal with that. I had a asexual client whose wife had a very high libido. They made it work (by opening up their relationship). I had couples who both had a high libido but hers changed after pregnancy. (A classic). The thing is: They knew where they were standing. Last but not least(I don’t believe this point applies to you,btw): There is always the danger - for both sides- that attraction is mistaken for love. We see a lot of couples worldwide who marry in similar circumstances just because they are attracted to each other,not because they love each other - but discerning love and bodily attraction is really hard at times, especially when it’s "your first time). (Anecdotal: My indian friends have been married for 35 years, lived in 6 countries and have 3 kids and she once told me:“Well, we proposed each other to our parents, mainly,well, quite blantly, we wanted to do naked stuff. Luckily once that lost it’s initial appeal we learned that we also love each other. Pew, that could have ended catastrophic!”)

Does that mean I recommend you go out there and sleep with him or someone else right away? No! (Triple underlined and in thick letters!) But there is a big range of things between "not doing anything " and “full on PIV sex” and I will repeat what I always told my clients: “If everyone is consenting, an adult, not intoxicated, in a safe place and it feels right: Keep society and social norms outside your bedroom.” But please, please don’t marry someone before you had at least some sexual experience with this person.

So would he like to sleep with you? I would say: Yes. And that’s not a bad thing: I went on countless dates in my time with both man and woman. And not once did I not want to sleep with the person I was in a date. But was that a condition right away? No. But sexuality and bodily attraction is part of a relationship and of course it plays a part whose interesting and whose not.

So. What’s my advice in the end? Get a second date. See where that’s going. Be open. Try to think out of the box. You have literally nothing to lose. If it ends up leading nowhere: Well,you had a few nice hours, didn’t you? Isn’t that a good thing? If it becomes the grand love that one of you will topple his life plans for? Well cool. And if it ends right away? Well,bugger,but no harm was done.