(Yes, I’m aware of these bait-y titles.)
Anyway, I’m 23 years old. I live in my house with my wife. We have many teens in the neighborhood, which is good for my sister-in-law but one of them took a particular liking to me.
The girl and I just casually started talking when I would go for walks, for example. She then started acting really weird, like giggly or flushed. She told me she was bi but preferred women. I’m a lesbian.
Eventually, she confessed that she had feelings for me, though she knew I couldn’t return them. She has also told her friend (19F) that we are dating, when I told her this was not the case and I was married.
I am married and do not like this fourteen-year-old girl. How do I be respectful about not returning her feelings even if she knows I’m married?
First, make sure you’re never alone with her. It’s important to have someone be able to vouch for you that nothing bad happened. Even if it’s not her intention, rumors spread and mutate in the most unexpected ways, and you’ll want to make sure you’re in the clear if it ever comes to pass that people start to suspect that you are having a relationship with her.
Second, you’ll want to speak with her. Make it clear that you are serious and that this is a serious talk. Whenever you see her next, just say something like “we need to have a talk.” Might be cliche, but the cliche aspect of it reinforces the serious nature of it IMO, since most people already associate that phrase with something serious.
You don’t need to be rude, but you need to be very clear where you stand on the matter. Make it clear that 1) you are not in a relationship with her, 2) you do not wish to be in a relationship with her, 3) you don’t appreciate her saying that you’re in a relationship with her. With talks of this nature, there’s no point beating around the bush. She may be temporarily hurt, but there is a difference between being hurt due to rejection and hurt due to injustice. She will come to appreciate the honesty in time.
Tell your wife the situation beforehand, because it’s possible the girl will tell lies in retaliation for her hurt feelings. If she’s been crushing on you the scenarios are already in her head, she won’t even have to make them up. Stay calm and remember you’re the adults.