I’ve known a few couples who fit this description. Often both well-educated and successful, usually pleasant conversationalists, sometimes even fun. But it’s maybe the third or fourth time we hang out that I start noticing something’s different about them and their relationship.
It varies but sometimes there’s too much obviously calculated social performance between them, or maybe they incidentally rank people using some arbitrary measure, or seem to avoid touching each other, or express overt cynicism re: others’ intentions. They tend to have pre-nups and separate finances, which always comes up when they divorce and decide which of them gets to keep me as a friend.
I never can feel very close to them, even if they say I’m a close friend, in part because they never get to know me or are only interested in me knowing them.
It’s just a constellation of attributes that repeats enough to suggest an archetypal couple dynamic or personality type, but I’ve never quite put my finger on it.
Definitely feel that. It sounds a bit like narcissistic personality disorder but not entirely, and I’m not sure that would explain how they gravitate toward one other. None of the ones I knew had children but I remember thinking the Silicon Valley pronatalists must overlap strongly.
There’s just a fundamental self-centeredness evident throughout their behavior and beliefs. It could be errant notions cultivated with early socialization, or socially maladaptive neurodivergence, or simply a series of self-serving misinterpretations of scientific consensus that eventually becomes a worldview. The end result is a self-styled “power couple” who essentially have no friends because they never learned what that means.
He’s a classic narcissist she’s an enabler when they’re together and more self-righteous when they’re apart. It’s one of those friendships I’d never have, had we met any time after high school.
I’ve known a few couples who fit this description. Often both well-educated and successful, usually pleasant conversationalists, sometimes even fun. But it’s maybe the third or fourth time we hang out that I start noticing something’s different about them and their relationship.
It varies but sometimes there’s too much obviously calculated social performance between them, or maybe they incidentally rank people using some arbitrary measure, or seem to avoid touching each other, or express overt cynicism re: others’ intentions. They tend to have pre-nups and separate finances, which always comes up when they divorce and decide which of them gets to keep me as a friend.
I never can feel very close to them, even if they say I’m a close friend, in part because they never get to know me or are only interested in me knowing them.
It’s just a constellation of attributes that repeats enough to suggest an archetypal couple dynamic or personality type, but I’ve never quite put my finger on it.
On the money. It’s so odd. I’ve known him since high school, but I feel like I don’t know them at all. It’s kind of surreal.
Definitely feel that. It sounds a bit like narcissistic personality disorder but not entirely, and I’m not sure that would explain how they gravitate toward one other. None of the ones I knew had children but I remember thinking the Silicon Valley pronatalists must overlap strongly.
There’s just a fundamental self-centeredness evident throughout their behavior and beliefs. It could be errant notions cultivated with early socialization, or socially maladaptive neurodivergence, or simply a series of self-serving misinterpretations of scientific consensus that eventually becomes a worldview. The end result is a self-styled “power couple” who essentially have no friends because they never learned what that means.
We may be talking about the same couple. Lol
He’s a classic narcissist she’s an enabler when they’re together and more self-righteous when they’re apart. It’s one of those friendships I’d never have, had we met any time after high school.