My most common sin is inadvertently bringing up painful or offensive topics.
Someone’s dad died last week? You can bet I’ll forget and start talking about Dads on accident. In fact, it happens so often that I almost think my subconscious does remember and that’s how it ends up on my mind.
Generally stuff like that is held against someone when they didn’t even know their dad died, or didn’t realize that that particular person would overreact by being reminded of something that doesn’t seem associated.
Basically, caring far more about someone’s reaction than intent (or lack thereof) that accidentally upsetting someone is breaking a social norm.
Yep. I got in trouble for this exact thing, except I mentioned my father and it was their mother who had recently died. Oh, and I didn’t know this person, like I didn’t even know their name because I had literally just met them. How I was supposed to know their mom had recently died I have no idea. It ended my friendship with the person I did know after I was called all manner of unrepeatable things.
I’m neurotypical, or at least haven’t been diagnosed with anything, but that sounds like a huge overreaction from you ex-friend. To me the way that should have gone is:
you mention father
new acquaintance gets upset
you apologise, perhaps stating you didn’t know about their mother and you’re so sorry
Yeah, like I felt bad that it caused them emotional pain, but being screamed into oblivion for asking to borrow a phone so I could call my father and tell him when I needed to be picked up was not the right response. I wasn’t even able to say “I’m sorry, I didn’t know” because she wouldn’t stop scream berating me (while ignoring her crying friend too). I just walked out of the room and ended up borrowing a strangers phone. We never spoke again. Thankfully the rumors she tried to spread about me were so unbelievable that no one believed them. Like my bully didn’t believe them they were that ludicrously bad.
The thing that really confused me that I found out from someone else later was that their father was still alive. Did they just never refer to their father in any way? People are going to mention their parents. Like we were all in middle school, having to say “I have to ask my parents if I can do that, go to that, etc” is practically a daily phrase at that point in life.
I just hope their friend got the help they needed. I never learned exactly when their mother passed, but it was at least several weeks in the past from what I gathered. Bursting into tears because someone simply mentions a parent, who isn’t even the one who died, suggests they need professional help. Obviously I’m not expecting people to get over a family member dying just because a certain amount of time has passed, but just hearing the word “Dad” shouldn’t cause a fountain of tears.
I wonder if your response is similar to why im always compelled to clap someone on the shoulder when they have a sunburn even when they didn’t expressly tell me they do
My most common sin is inadvertently bringing up painful or offensive topics.
Someone’s dad died last week? You can bet I’ll forget and start talking about Dads on accident. In fact, it happens so often that I almost think my subconscious does remember and that’s how it ends up on my mind.
Generally stuff like that is held against someone when they didn’t even know their dad died, or didn’t realize that that particular person would overreact by being reminded of something that doesn’t seem associated.
Basically, caring far more about someone’s reaction than intent (or lack thereof) that accidentally upsetting someone is breaking a social norm.
Yep. I got in trouble for this exact thing, except I mentioned my father and it was their mother who had recently died. Oh, and I didn’t know this person, like I didn’t even know their name because I had literally just met them. How I was supposed to know their mom had recently died I have no idea. It ended my friendship with the person I did know after I was called all manner of unrepeatable things.
I’m neurotypical, or at least haven’t been diagnosed with anything, but that sounds like a huge overreaction from you ex-friend. To me the way that should have gone is:
Yeah, like I felt bad that it caused them emotional pain, but being screamed into oblivion for asking to borrow a phone so I could call my father and tell him when I needed to be picked up was not the right response. I wasn’t even able to say “I’m sorry, I didn’t know” because she wouldn’t stop scream berating me (while ignoring her crying friend too). I just walked out of the room and ended up borrowing a strangers phone. We never spoke again. Thankfully the rumors she tried to spread about me were so unbelievable that no one believed them. Like my bully didn’t believe them they were that ludicrously bad.
The thing that really confused me that I found out from someone else later was that their father was still alive. Did they just never refer to their father in any way? People are going to mention their parents. Like we were all in middle school, having to say “I have to ask my parents if I can do that, go to that, etc” is practically a daily phrase at that point in life.
I just hope their friend got the help they needed. I never learned exactly when their mother passed, but it was at least several weeks in the past from what I gathered. Bursting into tears because someone simply mentions a parent, who isn’t even the one who died, suggests they need professional help. Obviously I’m not expecting people to get over a family member dying just because a certain amount of time has passed, but just hearing the word “Dad” shouldn’t cause a fountain of tears.
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Yeah, like grief is messy and I felt bad for her friend, but screaming at someone for something you know they didn’t know is not okay.
I wonder if your response is similar to why im always compelled to clap someone on the shoulder when they have a sunburn even when they didn’t expressly tell me they do