Plot twist, undercover cop car, back doors don’t open from the inside. You just arrested yourself!

CIA in the 80s

This meme so grim it made Mengele oof.

Fake news, everyone knows you can’t break bedrock!

“My ancestors could take down water buffalo. Look what I’ve let myself become. I could probably only take down a Zebra now.”

I want… Subservience

Imperial March would have been dope

I woulda filed a chit for gastro or something.

Nan is my most loyal only fans supporter

That’s what she said

Gassy?

TWSS

What’s SystemD and what is it bad?

This, but she’s not even dead yet

Those ballistic missiles really haul ass

Recipe for white chocolate brownies:

22 grams white sugar

73 grams Potassium Nitrate

2 grams aluminium powder

3 grams sulphur powder

Sparkler as garnish

Mix all ingredients well in a stone mortar and pestle, and pour into a non-stick pan. Heat on high for 10-15 minutes until the sugar begins to melt.

Stir constantly while the mixture develops a golden brown colour.

Remove from heat and pour into a stiff-walled cardboard tube mould. The cores of receipt paper rolls and label rolls work well.

Insert a sparkler into the hot mixture as a garnish and allow to cool. Store in plastic bags to avoid moisture ruining the brownies.

Serves 20-30 cubic metres of white smoke.

Then eat the food

If the self checkout spazzes put and needs me to get an assistant, that’s the last thing I scan at the checkout. Lady comes over, overrides the fail, I say thank you, pay for the stuff while she’s standing there, and put it back in the trolley with the stuff I didn’t scan yet. You see, I was so frazzled and confused by the disruption that I forgot I still had things to scan. Plausible deniability, I never hid anything, it was all out in the open, and the lady was just standing there. If she mentions it, then I can just resume scanning those items and pay for them too. This has not happened in several dozen grocery trips.

I just get so anxious and confused so easily!

Especially the ones with racing stripes

No tasers? What a fucking joke!